Page 38 of Beachside Kisses With My Best Friend

“I guess I’m sorry that I didn’t ask you if it was okay before I sort of attacked you with that kiss.”

His mouth tilts into a small smile. “Attacked me, huh?”

“Like a tiger.” I wince. That particular analogy probably isn’t the best, given how often people refer to being tigers in, um, well, certain places in their homes. Moving on… “I just got so riled at the smug look on Constance’s face and wanted to do something to shut her up.”

“Marilee Moffitt,” Jordan says in a teasing tone. “Are you actually speaking ill of someone?” He clicks his tongue. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

“She messed with someone I care about.”

His eyes flick toward me briefly before finding the horizon again. “Aw, come on, Lee. You don’t have anything to apologize for. If anyone should say they’re sorry, it’s me. I, um…” His toes flex in front of him. “I shouldn’t have gotten so into that kiss. You probably just meant to give me a peck and I…I took things too far.”

The acknowledgement of the passion behind his kiss brings heat to my face. The memory of it turns my insides to boiling water.

Whew.

Nope. Can’t think about that anymore.

I force a laugh. “Guess it’s been too long since either of us has been good and kissed, right?” I honestly can’t remember the last girl Jordan even dated. Someone in college, maybe. And then obviously there was Georgia, but they were never a couple.

Jordan doesn’t laugh back. He’s quiet, and I don’t know exactly what his silence means.

But I have a suspicion. I hope I’m wrong, but I can no longer ignore that it’s extremely likely my best friend has very real feelings for me.

Feelings I can’t reciprocate.

I don’t want to hurt him. But I also can’t let him think of me like that. Because the worst thing in the world would be for him to fall for me—for me to fall for him. For him to eventually realize that I’m notactuallywhat he wants. That I’m too broken to be the kind of partner I’d want to be to him.

And…hewillrealize it. It might take a while, but it’s inevitable.

If Donny taught me anything, it was that.

But because Jordan is the opposite of Donny—who left when he finally tired of me—he would feel obligated to stay with me, stuck with my mess. He might even grow to resent me.

And I can’t even fathom a world in which Jordan Carmichael resents me.

As his friend, I can give him his space—space to find someone else to fill that role he may or may not imagine me in right now. Someone who is whole and beautiful and untarnished by the scars brought on by her baggage—some of her own making, some tossed upon her.

He deserves that. I want that for him, because Jordan Carmichael is the best man I know.

And I fear, in this moment, given his continued silence, that maybe I’ve confused him. That kiss… Itwasconfusing. But we can’t lose sight of the goal, of the reason for all of this.

His custody battle.

And unfortunately, the other thing I need to discuss will probably also be confusing. But just like kissing him in public to prove our supposed “love,” I think it’s probably necessary. “So, there’s something else we need to address.”

He lifts his head. “Yeah? You ready to go sign papers at the bank?”

Oh. How do I admit to him that I haven’t given the loan or the bakery purchase a second thought since our conversation about it nearly a week ago when we last discussed it? That I’ve instead been leaning into step-motherhood and baking in our joint kitchen, where I know I belong for now—even thoughit’s just for now?

“Yes. Well, no, I mean. I’m still not sure.” I wave my hand, flustered. “I’ll let you know when I’ve made plans with Pete. If I do.”

He studies me. “Okay. And if you decide you don’t want to buy the bakery, that’s totally all right too. But please, take advantage of me.”

I spurt out a laugh, because my, did that sound…um, probably not how he meant it. “I’m sorry, what?”

He nudges me with his elbow. “I just mean, don’t forget that I’m not the only one who’s supposed to be benefiting from this situation. If you decide you don’t want me to cosign a loan for you, then tell me what exactly you need from me to support you in your future career endeavors.”

“Endeavors, huh? Well, that sounds official,” I tease.

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