“It’s complicated.”
“I know. You’re best friends. You don’t want to mess that up. You don’t want to lose her.”
“It’s not just that. I mean, yeah, sure, I’d worry things would change between us, but that’s the point. Marilee’s lost so much already—first her parents, then her marriage, then her inheritance.” I shrug. “She’s told me how much our relationship is a comfort for her, and I don’t want her to lose that too. And if I tell her I love her, and she doesn’t feel the same way…”
Mom’s face softens. “I think that’s unlikely. Are you sure you’re not staying quiet foryoursake just as much as for hers?”
My lips press together. Hard. “Are you saying I’m being a coward, Mom?” I don’t know. Maybe I am.
“No. I just think sometimes you don’t say what you need to say because you’re worried about rocking the boat. But change can be the catalyst for some of the best things in life.” Mom gives me her look—the one that tells me she means business. “Jordan, perhaps it’s time to tell her how you feel, before someone else sweeps her up.”
The thought snaps something inside of me.
The water on the stove starts to bubble. Soon it’s a rolling boil.
“I wouldn’t even know where to start. If I say something and scare her off, I’ll never be able to forgive myself. I’d have ruined one of the best things in my life.” I almost ruined it nearly six years ago, when I finally told Marilee what I thought about Donny.
And she rejected my advice—rejectedme—for saying my piece.
“I know it might seem scary, but this living in limbo isn’t healthy for either one of you.” Mom tears open the box of pasta and pours it into the pot. “Because if she doesn’t love you back, maybe it’s time to let her go, so you can move on and find someone who does.”
“Yeah. Maybe.” I push a hand through my hair just as the doorbell rings. It’s a stark reminder of why I’m here in the first place. Of where I’m headed. “But right now, I’ve got to focus on Ryder. He’s what matters most.”
But as I answer the door, give Marilee a hug, and say good-bye to my parents, taking off for the attorney’s office, I can’t help but think about what my mom said. About how impossible it all feels.
But also, about what Ryder said earlier too—“Sometimes the impossible comes true.”
First things first, though.
I’ve got a fight to win.
four
MARILEE
I am not an angry person.
I do, of course, get angry just like everyone. I am quite an emotional person. But often, my emotions are delayed. I need time to process them.
For the last two days, since I heard about Constance and Larry’s petition though?
Hi, I’m Marilee Moffitt, the woman with a raging pool of protective-best-friend lava oozing from her pores.
Nice to meet you.
“Every time I think about it, my heart races and I wanna hit something.” I snatch my plastic cup from the center console of Jordan’s truck and sip up the last of my iced coffee from The White Mocha. Not even that can calm my nerves as he turns the vehicle east, away from the ocean and onward, toward San Luis Obispo, which is about forty-five minutes from Hallmark Beach. “And unfortunately, I’ve been holding an icing bag the last few times it’s happened. Icing went everywhere. I’ve ruined like three cakes.”
Jordan chuckles. “Oops.” His hands sit calmly on the steering wheel as he navigates Highway 1, and his shoulders are relaxed. Even though we’re heading to talk to an attorney about something potentially life changing, I’m not surprised, because Jordan isn’t one to express his emotions. It’s not like he’s a robot, but he’s just calmer all around. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him cry, to be honest. He’s just super steady, super chill.
Well, that’s not totally true. I’ve seen him angry a few times.
Usually, it involved Donny and his treatment of me.
Even with this situation, after that initial shock of finding out about the petition, he’s gone into problem-solving mode. I can sense an underlying tension, but he’s come down a lot from that moment when I met him on the boardwalk and he wrapped me up in his arms and held on for dear life.
Thatmoment is seared into my brain forever. The fact he was looking to me for comfort instead of the other way around. The way we stood there for so long, I lost track of time. The way his warmth blended with mine, and despite the chilly breeze blowing up off the ocean, I wasn’t cold in the slightest.
“Seriously,” I say. The plastic cup bends and crackles underneath my fingertips because, oops, I’m doing it again. Wanting to hit something. But my energy would be better spent trying to cheer Jordan up. To distract him. “Three cakes. One was supposed to be a brown puppy dog, and it ended up looking like a pile of poop.”