Page 2 of Your Pucking Mom

“Stop, baby.” I swallowed, hating the words about to come out of my mouth. “You wanted to do this on your own. You practically begged me not to move in with you, said kids your age live alone all the time. You’re a big kid now with a big-boy job.”

He pushed some of the blond curls off his forehead. “I’m just around the corner,” I assured him, which was a half-truth. It was more like twenty minutes, and in rush hour, probably more like an hour.

“You’re in a new city, you still don’t have friends here…”

“I just got a job working at this cute local coffee shop by the stadium. The owner seems nice. Plus, I still have your aunt Emma who lives just a few hours away in Michigan. I’ll be fine.” I conjured up a genuine smile because that was a half-truth. “Don’t you worry about me.”

When Austin got signed with the Ravens, I couldn’t let him move to another state without me, so I tagged along and found a small studio in Wrigleyville and a job by the stadium that gave me the ability to go to the games in the evenings. When the recruiter convinced Austin that going pro was a better idea than starting off at the college level, pride bloomed in my chest. It made every sacrifice worth it, even if the price was my loneliness.

“You need to stay focused, Austin. No messing around, no parties, girls, or getting into trouble,” I echoed the advice every coach and recruiter had given us during his high school days.

Despite loving my son for everything that he was, I was well aware of his shortcomings. Being a single, working mom throughout his life meant I wasn’t physically present as much as I should have been. While Austin was strong on the ice, his off-ice behavior was a different story, and explained why the prospect of him living on his own terrified me.

“Mom,” he whined, walking over to the oversized modern kitchen.

“Austin, I’m serious. No girls. Give it a season before you start going out. Don’t use your fake ID.”

“I don’t have one.” He winked at me. We were close, oftentimes too close, which was the downfall of our tight age range.

“Mm-hmm. Sure you don’t.” I rolled my eyes and gave him a little nudge in the side as we leaned over the white marble island. “What’s your plan for tonight?”

“I’m going to wait for the furniture rental company to come and drop everything off. Then a few guys are meeting at Cole’s apartment for a team dinner.”

“Practice tomorrow?” I asked. He nodded.

“And this Cole guy…”

“…Is a good dude, Mom. He’s the captain.” I narrowed my eyes, and he threw his hands in the air. “I swear to God.”

“Okay, okay,” I conceded. “I gotta get to work. I don’t want to be late. But you’d better call me if you need anything.”

“Like if I get scared of the dark and need my mom to save me?”

“Ha ha,” I retorted. “I know you’re trying to be funny, but seriously, it is hard for a mom to leave her baby on his own for the first time.”

“Mom, you left me all the time. You worked graveyard shifts.”

Ugh. I wouldn’t win this battle.

“You know what I mean.”

He leaned down, wrapping me up in a hug.

“I know, Mama. I love you.”

Fuck. Hold it in until you get out of here. Do not crack.

“I love you too, baby.” I gave him a peck on the cheek. “Be good. I’ll see you after practice tomorrow.”

Another benefit of living here was that most of the guys carpooled to practice since the majority of them lived in this building. I didn’t have to worry about him figuring out how to drive in the city after living in a small beach town in Michigan for the past eighteen years.

“Bring me sushi?” he asked. Pinching his cheek, I grabbed my jacket. It was September, but there was a chill in the air.

“You got it.”

Because, after all, even though my baby was living on his own and had a seven-figure hockey deal, he would always be my little guy, sniffing his blankets and pooping in his diapers.

After giving him one last hug, I made my way down the hallway to the elevator and rode to the first floor. Forcing a smile and a thanks to the doorman, I put my hood up on my jacket and headed outside. One block down from his apartment, I collapsed onto the hard city concrete and bawled for the first time in a long time.

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