Page 78 of Your Pucking Mom

“Of course you’re leaving your son. You always go.”

I paused, little kids were piling onto the ice and the mascot was busy with fans still sitting in their seats. “I have to be…somewhere else.” I hiccupped, feeling the sobs coming. I was being selfish in my decision to leave Austin, but I’d see him later after the game.

“I’ve come out here for only one game, daughter.”

Turning to face my mother, I sensed her disapproval lingering in the air like a heavy fog. Her words cut through me like a knife, questioning my actions and motives.

“Mother,” I began, my voice steady despite the storm of emotions swirling inside me. “I have to be somewhere…it’s an emergency. You’re more than welcome to stay.”

I hurried down the stairs toward the exit, my eyes locked on the door. It was right there, within reach. I was so close to leaving the suite when I ran right into Nova. “Oh, hey, Auburn, Coach wanted?—”

“Sorry, can’t talk.” I could barely speak, the oxygen leaving my lungs, so I gave her a soft smile as I ran toward the door. I just needed to get out before my self-doubt swallowed me whole. As soon as I pushed the door open from the suite, I raced out of the arena, not caring I looked like a fool running about a packed stadium, but I needed to go outside.

I pushed the door open and the second the cool, night air hit my face, I broke down. The tears fell freely.

Despite the undeniable chemistry, I couldn’t shake the fear of the consequences if what happened last night between us were to come to light. The thought of tarnishing the team’s hard-earned unity filled me with a profound sense of guilt. These players weren’t colleagues, they were a family, bound by their shared passion for the game. They were a part of my family too, because of Austin. I couldn’t bear the thought of being the one to fracture that bond, to sow discord where there was once harmony.

Exposing whatever it was that happened between Ledger and I would unleash a tidal wave of chaos, engulfing not only us but an entire team in the fire. I had worked tirelessly to build a stable and fulfilling life for myself and Austin, and I couldn’t bear the thought of jeopardizing everything I had fought so hard to achieve. The prospect of becoming the architect of my own downfall loomed large in my mind, casting a shadow over any fleeting moments of happiness I’d found with Ledger.

Looking back at the stadium, my heart told me that things would never be the way they were last night. I wanted so much to be with Ledger but knew I couldn’t be. My scars were too deep, too painful, and too dark for anyone to ever love me.

40

ledger

After the game in Denver, everything was uncertain. Over the past few days, I’d racked my brain as I tried to figure out what could have gone wrong. I’d texted her a dozen times before I realized she would not respond. The more time that passed, the more desperate I was sounding.

Hey. Are you okay?

I haven’t heard from you. XX

Did I do something wrong?

Listen, clearly there is something happening between us. I promise we can just be friends and as your friend, I care about you. Please let me know you’re okay.

I was being overly forward, especially since we decided that we could be nothing more than friends with each other. I couldn’t quite figure it out, and without overtly asking Hart about his mother, I was at a loss for what to do.

After the game in Denver ended, Auburn sat next to Austin for the plane ride home, even though Alex tried to insist that he had to review game footage. The four of us instead sat in a pod together. My knees brushed hers as the plane rocked, but she sat there quietly.

The moment we landed, she ran off the plane as quickly as she could without saying goodbye. It wasn’t like I could bring up the topic without making things awkward, especially with her son nearby.

In the days following, I kept hoping for a chance encounter, but it never came. The cafe where we might have met was always closed by the time practice ended, and I never saw her in the tunnels at our home game last night.

Lying on the couch after another tough loss yesterday, I was drained and frustrated. I slept most of the day away and focused on practice this afternoon, but I couldn’t seem to snap out of my funk, desperate to have one more view of those beautiful, bouncy curls. The upcoming family dinner loomed like a chore, when it was usually a time to connect with my found family. I couldn’t shake the thought of how different things might have been if we’d had a chance to reconnect—if I could’ve asked her what was really going on.

As the sun set behind the lake, letting the warm orange glow melt into the room, I decided to text Alex and Stassi to let them know I wouldn’t be coming to dinner. I had set myself up on the couch and was already in my sweats with the TV playing the basketball game, so I decided I’d order from the in-house catering.

I leaned back on the couch, letting myself wallow in my own pity, when someone pounded on the door.

“Ugh,” I groaned, throwing the fluffy gray blanket off me and making my way over to the door. “Who is it?” I shouted, hoping the person opposite would hear me.

“Your worst enemy,” a familiar voice said. I debated ignoring him, but I opened, and Alex was on the other side waiting for me with his shit-eating grin spread across his face as he stepped back and took in my rather…sloppy appearance.

“You look like shit,” he announced.

I looked down at the small stain on my white shirt from the pizza I’d had earlier…or was it the ice cream? At this point, who cared?

“Thanks,” I grumbled as I held the door open for him, and turned to head back in, going to the fridge and cracking open a beer. “Want one?”

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