Page 14 of Your Pucking Mom

I wanted to reach out, hold his hand, and let him soothe my wounds, but the part of me conditioned to stand straighter, be quieter, and be the girl everyone expected was too strong. I couldn’t break free from her. It was too hard.

“The door is wide open if you want to make a quick exit. You won’t need to make an excuse. I’ll understand.” He shook his hair off his face. “Whatever just happened in the elevator, I won’t try to dissect or put labels on it. Right now, I can promise you, there are no expectations beyond sharing a meal.”

I sighed, taking in the depth of his wounded gaze. I couldn’t help but wonder if he carried pain akin to mine, if his scars were like mine, roots of a tree and buried deep in his subconscious. Did he want me as much as I wanted him?

I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to open my heart to anyone again, but being here with Ledger—feeling safe—it just felt…right. It was a feeling I’d never experienced before, and the thought of giving someone power over my emotions again terrified me.

A part of me pondered whether the universe brought us together to exchange lessons on how to tend to that tree—how to nurture it, strengthen the roots, and witness its eventual bloom.

7

ledger

I lied. I couldn’t articulate what that kiss with Auburn meant because no words in the English dictionary would ever be enough to describe how it felt when our lips met. I’d kissed my fair share of women, but nothing compared to kissing Auburn. It was as though she was pouring life into me, and I, in return, gave her everything, surrendering in a humble bow.

Something had snapped inside her, and I sensed the fear as she ran out of the elevator and into the hallway. I saw the trepidation as her eyes darted around as if looking for someone. Her hands were shaking, and it made me rack through our conversations, trying to figure out if I’d done something wrong or misread the signals.

“Will you leave the door unlocked?”

Her question ran through my mind until I realized she’d likely once felt trapped, and maybe running away was how she’d protected herself.

“Just dinner,” I repeated.

Between last night’s team dinner and this morning’s preseason practice, my social battery was completely drained. It was likely my last season on the ice, and somehow, the universe knew I needed her.

When she turned me down, I thought that was it, but then Auburn showed up outside my building. Sure, she had a family connection to the team, but it had to be more than that—some strange cosmic alignment, right?

“Dinner,” she affirmed, and that shit-eating grin that kept making its appearance formed on my lips yet again.

I walked her down the hallway to my apartment and opened the door so she could walk in first.

“Well, shit. This is much bigger than the ones we saw downstairs.” She walked around in awe.

I laughed…again. Who was I becoming?

“I’m glad you like it.”

She spun on her heel. “Wait, I didn’t say I liked it, just that it’s fucking massive.”

“Oh, you don’t like it?” I closed the door behind me.

“It’s…fine.” The corners of my lips twisted in a smile. This woman was going to test me, and I welcomed it.

“Just fine?” I asked as I walked over to the kitchen, grateful I’d had a cleaning crew come in while I was at practice to pick up after the team dinner.

“Do you want wine?” She shook her head. “Beer?”

The corners of her lips twisted in a smile, and she nodded.

I grabbed two IPAs from the beverage fridge before crossing into the living room where she stood next to the large windows.

“My s—” She shook her head and thanked me for the beer. “How did you say you worked for the hockey team?”

“I didn’t.” I leaned against the window so I could take a good look at her. “I just work for the players.”

I lied. I didn’t want to feel like I was bragging, plus, telling a date I was the captain for the Chicago Ravens usually put our relationship in another position; it became all about my job, and I hated that.

“Oh.”

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