Page 48 of Dice & Dekes

That’s not why I’m here, and I don’t want Knova to think I’m doing this to earn points with her, or with karma, or with anyone else.

“You coming?” Ella’s already set up and waiting for me.

“Yeah. Sorry.” I check my phone one last time. There’s still no response to my last message.

I slide the phone into my pocket like I’m not checking it again in three minutes. I’m not mad, just… tired. Of chasing. Of trying to prove I’m enough. Of hoping that maybe one day, she’ll look at me and see the same forever I’ve already seen in her.

Chapter Eleven

Knova

I pace the condo like an outdoor cat trapped in a stranger’s house. I don’t know what to do with my hands. Or my brain. Or my heart. Everything feels itchy and misaligned, like I’m walking around in someone else’s skin. I tell myself I’m not spiraling, but I know a descent when I feel one. I’ve pulled enough pilots from wreckage to recognize the sound of metal groaning before impact.

I walk circles around the kitchen island. I wander in random looping paths through the living room. I tell myself that I’m getting worked up over nothing, but the more time I spend in my own head, the more I’m convinced that something’s up.

Who is Viktor with? Why wouldn’t he answer my questions this morning? It’s our first day off together since we did the deed, and instead of spending it with me, he’s off doing God-knows-what with God-knows-who. If this is his idea of the husband experience, I hate it.

I hate how fast I started liking it. I hate that I let myself fall into the rhythm of us—as if it were safe, as if it were permanent.

What if our sex didn’t mean anything to him? What if he was just doing it because I goaded him into it?

Finally, when I’m two seconds away from climbing the walls, I call Baylor. He doesn’t answer, but within seconds of my hanging up, he calls back.

“Sorry!” he exclaims. “I was fixing a blocked pipe.”

I snort. “Sure you were. Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”

“Pervert. I was literally cleaning my bathroom drain, and I didn’t want to touch my phone until I could wash my hands. What’s up?”

I flop onto the couch. “I think I made a mistake.”

I twist the dog tags around my neck. They feel heavier today. Maybe because last night, Viktor saw everything—the ugly parts. The soldier parts. And instead of running, he held me while I shook. He didn’t have to do that. So why would he want to stay?

“Knowing you? Probably.”

I drape my arm over my eyes. “Jerk.”

“Well? Spill the tea. Serve me up a hearty helping of that juicy gossip brisket.”

“You’re absurd.” I exhale and brace myself for a confession. “I slept with Viktor.”

There’s a long pause. “Uh, listen, I know you’re wanting sympathy here, but I’m having trouble mustering any up. He’s hot as hell, Knova. And you’re married to him. So… what makes you think it’s a mistake?”

I let him see all the parts of me I keep secret.I wriggle onto my side. I can’t get comfortable no matter what I do. My bones won’t settle down. “He left this morning and hasn’t come back.”

There’s another pause on his end. “Was there a fight?”

“No.”

“Really?” I can hear the arch of his eyebrows in the tone of his voice.

“Right? We haven’t fought in…” I count on my fingers. “Three days? Four? Since we slept together. Admittedly, that kind ofstartedwith a fight, but we haven’t fought since then.”

“Did he tell you to leave?” Baylor prompts.

“No. He asked me what he could bring back for lunch.”

“Soooooo…you’re mad that he left the house without you?”

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