Page 13 of Glitz & Goals

“Carol’s right,” he grunts, hunching his shoulders, “her weight distribution was off, but I don’t think it’s her fault. We’ve been having issues with the timing, and now I’m fixated, and it’snothelping. I’m overthinking everything. Her balance was off because Eli and I weren’t moving in unison.”

“At least you caught her.” Mia pats Jaime’s arm to comfort him. It’s a cute show of friendship, made slightly more surreal by the fact that she looks like a sea nymph and a puffy tulle bonnet mostly obscures his hair. “Nobody got hurt.”

Jaime stabs his carpaccio with his fork. “Yeah, but the show starts in a few days. We should be past this by now.”

“Is there anything—?” Mia begins.

Jaime drops his fork and raises both hands. “Can we just… talk about something else right now? I appreciate the concern, but I need to get my head right before we try again, and this isn’t helping.”

“Right.” Mia looks toward me, and a wicked smile overtakes her fine-boned features. “We can talk about Vivian’s dry spell.”

I moan and cover my face with both hands. Jaime, however, looks delighted.

“Yes!” he exclaims. “That’s perfect. Vivian,sweetheart,did you sign up for that dating app I mentioned?”

“No,” I mumble between my fingers. I should have seen this coming. Jaime and Mia are a few years younger than I am,and I’m pretty sure neither of them has any problem getting laid. In fact, I’d bet money that they’ve slept together on a few occasions, though I’ve never asked outright. My stagnant love life is a constant source of amusement for them.

I always make a big show of complaining, but I don’t honestly mind when it comes up. Romance has never felt like such a big deal to me. Or maybe it’s just that I’ve never met anyone who made me feel all the things people tell me to expect. Fluttering heart? No. Infatuation? Gross. Horny? Hell, yes, but in a general sort of way. I like dick, and I like having guy friends, but those two things don’t seem compatible. How am I supposed to love someone I don’t like spending time with? And how am I supposed to enjoy the company of someone whose best, if not only, redeeming quality is his junk, but only if he knows how to use it?

“Have you picked anyone up, then?” Mia asks.

“I’m getting too old for that,” I complain. “It’s easier to navigate a magic wand than a relationship with some rando. Ihatedating.”

“Then you’re not doing it right,” Jaime says. “Dating should befun.”

“Maybe when it’s all about fucking,” I grumble. “But looking for a long-term partner feels like going on a job interview when I’m not even sure I’m hiring.”

Mia’s brow wrinkles. She pushes a lock of turquoise hair out of her eyes. “I thought you wanted kids, though.”

“There are other ways to have kids,” Jaime informs her. He raises his eyebrows and nods sideways at me, probably trying to be subtle, but it’s hard to be covert when you’re dressed in an aquamarine morphsuit.

“Icouldadopt or something,” I agree, retuning to my meal. “But I do want a partner. Eventually. I just want to skip all the bullshit and get to the good parts, you know? Instead, I’mwasting my time learning just how much Joe Blow lied on his Tinder profile all while wondering why he’s holding a giant dead fish.”

“Aww.” Jaime looks at me like a puppy who just learned to fetch a ball for the first time. “What’s wrong, snookums? Have you tired of breaking hearts all over the Strip?”

Mia chews her sushi with a thoughtful expression. “What about the grocery store guy?”

I shrug. “He was fun. And then I was done. Couldn’t even get enough energy up to go back for seconds.”

Jaime’s eyes widen. “Just like that?”

“He was visiting from out of town and we met trying to choose the ripest melon,” I clarify. “I’m not doing long-distance with some Silicon Valley tech bro who tried to suffocate me with his tongue.”

“Tech bros,” Jaime and Mia say in unison, complete with matching grimaces.

“How about the guy from The Puck Drop?” Jaime asks.

“Which one?”

He snorts. “The tall one.”

Ah, yes. I shake my head. “He wasn’t as fun… or as good in bed. I have no time for selfish lovers. I swear, he couldn’t find my clit’sarea code.And he fucked like he was trying to jackhammer an old sidewalk.”

Jaime titters. “Good call.”

Mia leans to one side, resting her elbow on the table. “I can’t believe there are no new men on the horizon.”

I’m about to agree when my eyes land on the small clasps holding Mia’s tale in place. Beneath the boob tape I’m still wearing, my nipples harden at the memory of cool hands against my skin. “Well…” I begin.

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