Page 44 of The Court of Thorns and Wings

“No.” She lifted her chin. “If you don’t tell me what you were doing, I’ll be forced to inform Mom and Dad. Which, to be clear, doesn’t mean I won’t, depending on your answer.”

Something indignant rose inside me, making my blood boil. “If I command you not to say anything, you’d be betraying a royal.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I clamped my hands over it, wanting to take them back.

But the damage was done.

Her jaw dropped, and her arms hung at her sides. “I see. Is this how it’s going to be every time I say or do something you don’t like? Or if you want me to do something I don’t want to?”

Regret hung heavy on my shoulders, and I swallowed. “No. I don’t even know why I said that. I didn’t—” My words cut off, preventing me from lying.

“You didn’t what?” she asked sweetly, but her face twisted in pain.

Instead of making things better, I was digging myself into a hole. I was certain I didn’t need to even dig it. Eiric would bend the earth to do it for me just so it could happen faster. “I meant it in the moment, but not now.”

“Because that makes it better.” She shook her head and moved to the door. “I’m tired. I need to head to bed.”

I didn’t want her to leave this way. “E, wait.”

She opened the door, so I reached for her hand.

“Don’t go. Not like this.” I wished I could go back in time and change that moment. I’d been foolish to say that to her. She was my equal and family, not someone I ever wanted to order around.

“Don’t fret, Your Highness.” She removed her hand and curtseyed. “I’ll obey.” She then fluttered off down the hallway.

That hadn’t been what I meant, but she was already halfway down the hall, flying past Sorcha.

Sorcha tapped a finger to her lips. She was already suspicious of me, and Eiric leaving like that added more questions.

Lovely.

Chasing Eiric down and forcing her to talk when she didn’t want to was the worst thing I could do, but part of me wanted to do that. After all, she was a child of guards. Who was she to turn her back onme?

I stepped back into my bedroom and shut the door, shaking my head. I needed to get these foreign thoughts out. Something strange was coming over me, and none of it was good. It was as if the memories of my fae childhood were rising inside me and creating two versions of myself that I had to reconcile, which sounded crazy.

I’d never hidden anything from Eiric before. I couldn’t let this former piece of myself change me… not like that. Everyone was worthy of respect unless they weren’t good people… like Eldrin.

Surely Caelan had found the wildling by now and placed him back in prison.

Is everything okay? Did Eiric see you come out of the secret passage?Tavish connected.

I’d give anything for the bond to warm like it did when he wasn’t in chains. I needed the extra comfort.She didn’t see how I got inside the bathroom, but she knew I wasn’t there before.

Is she going to tell anyone?

No. I threatened to command her not to.I hung my wings as I paced in front of my bed.She said she wouldn’t.

That’s good.Tavish’s relief wafted through the bond.

Of course he’d think that, and I couldn’t fault him. He didn’t know any better. I did.It’s not. I changed the dynamics of our relationship by doing that. The relationship you have with Finnian and Caelan is what I had with Eiric, if not closer. I grew up with her, and we shared parents on Earth. She’s not a guard to me. She’s my family.My heart panged as I realized how much I had hurt her. I’d never said anything like that to her in the past, and it would come out here in this realm.

I didn’t think of it like that. Caelan and Finnian are both high fae, which is one reason we formed a friendship before the Seelie attack. But you wouldn’t remember any of that information on Earth once your memories were lost. You care for her, and I was foolish not to see it before. You care for everyone, even your competitors in the gauntlet. That’s one of the things that makes you so different and why some of the Unseelie weren’t thrilled when you were severely injured.

The fact that he wasn’t chastising me like my biological parents proved he was my other half. He’d been raised the same way, had lost his kingdom and parents, and had been forced to become harder, yet he wanted to understand me.I really messed up.

Love, there’s no doubt that she loves you. Who wouldn’t? Everyone makes mistakes. Look at the unforgivable things I did to you, yet you forgave me. She must feel threatened by the change in your relationship. Imagine if you came back toanother world and the person you viewed as your sister was a princess and you were a guard assigned to protect her.

I hadn’t thought about it like that, which made me feel worse. I hadn’t considered the struggles Eiric was going through because I’d been focused on Tavish and Finnian. I’d been a piss-poor friend, and I hated myself for it.You’re right. I should’ve realized that.

You both need time to adjust, especially you, sprite. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Things will work out. You’ll see. If you could want to be with me after all the things I did and allowed to be done to you, then I have no doubt you and Eiric can get past this.

---