Page 2 of Wolf Mate

Freedom to be myself.

A place I could escape to get my anxiety under control.

I got out and slammed the car door shut, locking it with the fob. It was the only bougie thing my car could do.

Five students were loitering between the two five-story brick buildings, talking to each other like they didn’t have a care in the world. The two women had an air of confidence, and three men towered over them, their muscular bodies emphasized by their tight shirts. Even as I told myself not to look, my eyes betrayed me, locking on the tallest one with dark hair and a chiseled jaw, who seemed to tug at my very essence. The fizzing in my blood kicked up higher, teetering near a hum.

When his head turned my way, I forced my attention to the woods, not wanting to be caught staring at them. I needed to get out there and be alone so I could get myself under control.

Refusing to look at anything but the Douglas firs along the perimeter, I put one foot in front of the other. If I could get into the woods and immerse myself in nature, it should ground me.

It usually did.

Accepting the random scholarship hadn’t been smart. I should’ve done the online college program at another university this fall. That had been the plan since I’d graduated with an Associate of Science from Columbia Gorge Community College last spring, but an online school would make it harder for me to get into vet school. Not like graduating fromhere. That was the only reason I hadn’t fought Mom more.

Moments before I reached the tree line, my blood hummed. The needles on the fir I’d been focused on started to shake.

Shit. My heart squeezed uncomfortably, and I almost wished it would stop beating. I didn’t understand why things like this kept happening to me.

The sounds of a sapsucker drilling into a tree filled my ears. No one was anywhere near me. Between the comforting sound of the bird and the lack of witnesses to my meltdown, I slipped into the woods, ready to surround myself with nature and calm down.

A few steps into the trees, I was sure no one could see me from the EEU campus. I rubbed my chest to relieve the tension. I hated how my emotions took over at times. It was as if something inside me amped them up, and the anxiety-controlling coping mechanisms countless counselors had taught me didn’t do shit to help, though I still tried them.

I walked a mile into the woods, not slowing until I’d taken the edge off the hysteria. When I spotted a sizable fallen tree trunk, I sat on the wood, ignoring the faint dampness from the rain the night before that was soaking into my jeans.

A cool breeze contrasted with the warmth of the air, and I leaned my head back and looked skyward, hoping I’d see a bird fly overhead.

As I breathed in the forest pine scent, the wolf I’d helped right before I graduated from community college flitted intomy mind. He’d been caught in a hunter’s trap, a hunting practice that was illegal in that part of the mountains. When I’d stumbled upon him, he’d growled, but those bright-yellow eyes had seemed so intelligent … so real. I’d told him I was there to help him, and it was as if he’d understood me. It was the type of moment that made me want to be a vet.

A sense of calm embraced me. My lungs filled with fresh air, and the sounds of animals scurrying in the woods brought me serenity.

Home. The word echoed in my head, and a vision of the tall guy popped into my brain. My stomach bubbled, not out of discomfort but from excitement and expectation.

This had to stop. I had to clear my head.

The fizzle subsided to a jolt as I allowed the tranquility of the moment to wash over me. I dug my shoes into the mulch, slowing the momentum of the thoughts that kept invading my mind.

I was sitting there in silence, lost in the moment, when curiosity brushed against my mind. A branch snapped, and I wasn’t surprised to find a deer twenty feet away. Its head tilted as it took me in and slowly inched forward.

Thiswas why I visited the woods: to be one with nature and see its miraculous creatures alone and up close. The deer continued toward me, curiosity brimming in its dark eyes. I held out both hands, wanting her to see I meant her no harm.

A chill ran down my spine, and the hair on the nape of my neck rose.

I tensed as an all-too-familiar sensation washed over me, and the deer paused. She averted her eyes to my right, confirming my fear.

Someone was watching us.

Huffing, the deer spun and ran in the opposite direction, and the lump in my throat tripled in size.

I tried to swallow and failed.

Perhaps someone was merely hiking in the woods, but my skin was crawling. I’d seen the evil mankind could do when they encountered something they didn’t understand—like a deer walking straight up to me without concern. Not that the deer had gotten that close, but it had been approaching.

I wouldn’t stay here to see if the person meant me harm. After all, I needed to move my stuff into my apartment and didn’t want to worry Lucy by how late I was.

I stretched as if I didn’t have a care in the world. Showing my fear was the worst thing I could do; if this was a bullying tactic, it would make whoever was spying on me feel more powerful. I pretended to yawn, hoping it would help my act, though my blood was already fizzing again.

I stood slowly, attempting to come off like nothing was wrong, but every cell in my body wanted to run. The last time this had happened was in high school. A group of students had cornered me in the back of the school and shoved me around. Worse, the ringleader had been Lizzy, a girl who’d been my best friend in preschool.

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