Page 48 of Rook

I followed behind, nearly tumbling three times, but managing to keep my footing.

We walked in painful silence for almost three full hours on the way back out of Death Valley.

“Do you want me to drop you at the clubhouse?” I asked, keeping my gaze on the road.

“Going somewhere?”

“I think I’m going to pick up a few jobs.”

“Why?”

“What else am I going to do?”

“Okay…” Rook let that hang for just a moment. Then, “Babe, you okay?”

“Yep,” I said, popping the p a little harder than I meant to. “I’m just a little… antsy today,” I admitted.

“Even after that hike?”

“Well, like… mentally antsy,” I explained.

“Oh. We could… hang. Talk about it.”

“I want to be distracted, not talk.”

“Alright. I get it. But I’m here if you want to talk. Or, I dunno, play cards and… not talk,” he said as I pulled into the clubhouse parking lot.

“Thanks.”

“You want to come in for another coffee? Some food?”

“I’m good. Thanks,” I added, trying to ignore his concerned look.

With that, he climbed out.

“What time do you want me to pick you up?” I asked.

“I’ll have someone drop me,” he said, grabbing his camera.

“Okay. I’ll see you back at the apartment.”

I tried not to speed away.

Then I drove into town, heading to the gas station, parking, and pressing my forehead into the steering wheel.

“Ugh. Get it together.”

It was strange to feel so out of control of my feelings. If anything, I was a pro at masking, hiding anything real. I’d grown up my whole life in an environment where any soft feelings would be used against me.

I don’t know what was wrong with me. I felt oddly unguarded and vulnerable.

Maybe it was just the fallout of leaving, of no longerneedingthose walls and defenses.

The thing was, I possibly needed them more than ever. The longer I lived with Rook, the more our arrangement would become a friendship. And it was going to take a lot of determination to be able to keep my past from him.

I needed to get a grip.

With that in mind, I climbed out of the car, going into the gas station and grabbing myself a coffee.

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