Page 57 of Crash

“What happened between you and your parents?” he asks, his voice tentative. He leans down and plants a soft kiss on my forehead. The soft kiss causes goosebumps to erupt across my body. Mistaking the goosebumps for me being cold, he pulls me closer.

“I committed the unforgivable sin of being born female, and my mother couldn’t have any more children. My father never forgave either of us.”

He stays quiet, probably waiting for me to continue, but when I don’t, he says, “I don’t understand.”

“Of course, you don’t,” I sigh. “You have this perfect family. Your parents love each other. You and your brothers are so close, but I don’t have siblings, so it was always just me. My father is controlling. He controls my mother and he controlled me, and every aspect of our lives. From money to food to my friends. My aunts say their father was the same way, but my father is like him on steroids. My mom, I’ve come to see, is clinically depressed. She’s always just been uninterested in me. She let my father run the show. So, if I wanted to do something or go somewhere, she would never give me an answer. It was always, go ask your father. She never had an opinion or a thought of her own, and that frustrated me.”

“Was your father physically abusive? Did he hit you?” His voice is low and being pressed against his side, I can tell he stopped breathing as he waits for me to answer.

“He never laid a hand on me.” He exhales at my declaration. “I just couldn’t do anything without his say so. He could be cruel with his words. When I was in high school, I hated classes like geography or history, and he would say I was stupid, or if he had a son, he wouldn’t have to worry about a stupid daughter. When I went to college, he wanted me to go into the nursing program and told me business was a waste of time for a girl. I went to my mom and told her how I never wanted to be a nurse and how much I love the business courses. She told me life will be easy if I do what my father tells me, and since he was paying for some of my tuition, I didn’t push it. I thought I’d learn to love it, but I didn’t. I started taking more business classes and I changed my major behind their backs. He found out, and that’s when all hell broke loose. I lost it that day. It was like an out of body experience. After twenty-one years of being disparaged, ignored, and put down, I had enough. I told him it was my life and I would pick the major I wanted. He told me I could not live under his roof if I was not going to do what he says, so I left. He called my aunt and told her to put me out, but she basically told him to fuck off, and here I am.”

“I don’t understand. Why would he treat you that way? You’re amazing. Whatever gets thrown at you, you keep fighting.”

“You’ll never understand because your family is perfect, but it wasn’t all bad. I have amazing aunts and cousins on my father’s side. That the only positive of being his daughter. Sandy’s mom is more like my mom than my own mother. She’s fought with my father over me so many times. She barely speaks to him, and I know it’s because of his treatment of me. When I started college, I started going to see the school counselor. It’s taken years, and it’s still a daily struggle, but I know that my parents’ issues are not about me. I didn’t cause any of it, and it’s not up to me to fix it. I focus on myself. And your brother and Sandy have given me this amazing gift. They’ve opened their home to me and are paying for my last semester of school. I’m not going to squander any of it.”

For several minutes, the only sound in the room is the sound of our breaths. As tired and sore as I am, the feel of his fingertips against my hip has me climbing on top of him and kissing him deeply. His hand leaves my hip and caresses my hair.

“You are going to do amazing things,” he says against my mouth, “and you’re not alone.”

“I know,” I say, as I roll off his body and cuddle into his side again. “That’s the one thing he’s given me; an amazing extended family.”

“Right, but I don’t just mean your family. I mean me. You have me.” He moves away to lie on his side so that we can face each other.

At his words, I lower my gaze, but he grabs my chin and forces me to look at him.

“That’s not our deal, Luke. Sex only, remember?”

Still holding onto my chin, he says, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Vivi, but the deal’s changed. It changed a long time ago. I don’t want to hide this anymore. I want everyone to know.”

“You want everyone to know what?” Already knowing the answer, I try to move my chin from his grasp, but he holds on.

“That we’re together.”

“Together?” I ask, running a hand through my messy hair, a nervous habit I’ve acquired. “You said we would be exploring with each other. You hate me, remember?”

“I’ve never hated you,” he says, grabbing my hand. “Not even for a second. You hated me, though. Why did you, by the way? From the moment you ran into me in the parking lot, you’ve had it in for me. Why?”

“I never hated you, but I was having a bad day the morning we met. I wanted to spend the school year at my aunt’s house, but my father said he wouldn’t cover the balance of my tuition unless I came home. That caused a huge fight between him and my aunt, which I felt bad about. When the summer ended, I’d have to go home, and that put me in a bad mood. Then we collided, and when I looked at you, I had these feelings, but I was hating on all men because of my father, so I took it out on you. I’m sorry,” I say shyly.

“But you got really hostile around the time of the wedding.”

“Well, you really hurt my feelings when you told the wedding planner you didn’t want to walk down the aisle with me. I was coming over to extend an olive branch and to apologize, but I saw you talking to Nicole. You looked at me and pointed. Right after that, she told me I’d be walking down the aisle with Steve, not you.”

“What? I never said anything to her about you. She got you and Diana confused, and I pointed at you and told her your name. She decided you would be a better fit with Steve because I’m so much taller than you. That’s what that was.” Even in the dark room, I can see his face has turned red.

“Oh,” is all I say, embarrassed by my past behavior.

“Yes, oh. So, you blamed me for the sins of your father and became my enemy over a misunderstanding. Very mature, Vivienne.” He rolls on his back, putting both hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry, Luke, but I’m really sensitive about people not liking me or wanting me around.” I climb on top of him and grab his face with both hands. “Forgive me. I’ll make it up to you,” I say as I wiggle my eyebrows at him.

“I just want you to think about what I said. About us no longer hiding.”

“I was thinking of something I can do right now.” I can feel how hard he is against my leg. I scoot down his body, and in one quick movement, I take the entire length of him in my mouth.

CHAPTER 31

LUKE

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