Page 88 of Crash

He flares his nostrils at me, staring me down. He takes a step back as he shakes his head.

“Did you just say that to me?” he says, his voice low but filled with rage. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re making a huge deal out of this.”

“What else are you keeping from me?”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Vivienne? I hate that she did that! I hate talking about that shit! I hate that someone I cared about did that and couldn’t face me. You think I want to relive that every damn time her name gets mentioned.”

“I expect you to confide in me the same way I confided in you!” I yell back. “You lied to me!”

“I didn’t fucking lie!” he thunders. “It’s none of your damn business, so drop it.”

His words sting. For a man who invaded every part of my life, those words hurt. I’ve leaned on him for so much, but he wouldn’t tell me about such an important part of his life. I’ve gotten to know this man. I know what she did hurt, and I know he didn’t just get over it. He simply chose not to confide in me after everything we’ve been through.

That realization is humbling.

When he notices my tears, he starts to walk towards me. “Don’t you dare come near me. You’re right. It’s none of my business.” I walk out of his office.

“Vivi, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—” I don’t hear the rest of his words. I slam the door and start to run down the hall. He’s right behind me, and after just a few steps, he’s grabbing my arm and holding me against the wall.

“I’m not done talking,” he hisses.

“I’mdone. I was done the minute you told me it was none of my business.” I pull out of his grasp, duck under his arms, and leave him standing in the hallway.

I leave work soon after the confrontation. I tell Colleen I’m not feeling well and send Luke a brief email letting him know I’m leaving for the day. I’m out of there in less than two minutes, grateful that I drove myself to work this morning.

I know I can’t go to Sandy’s house or the bakery. I’m sure as hell not going to my aunt’s house in the middle of a workday. There would be too many questions, and Luke might look for me there.

For the first time, I make use of the key my mother gave me the first day I came over here. Unfortunately for me, my mother is working from home and is stunned to see me again so soon after our therapy session. For the first time in my life, I run to her and she takes me in her arms. She walks me to the couch and holds me. I don’t have any more tears, but she offers me comfort, and I take it. She doesn’t ask me any questions. She just strokes my hair until I fall asleep. Hours later, I wake up with a pillow under my head and a warm blanket on top of me. My mom is sitting on the end of the couch with her laptop, and she’s put my feet on her lap.

“Your phone has been going off like crazy.” As soon as the words leave her mouth, I feel it vibrate. “Sandy called me a few minutes ago. I didn’t want her to worry so I told her you were here.”

I take a deep breath and lay my head back on the pillow. If Sandy knows I’m here, that means Jake knows and so does Luke. When my phone finishes vibrating, I pick it up to find twenty-three missed calls from Luke and Sandy and eleven text messages.

“Did you two have a fight? It’s normal, Vivienne. I don’t want you to think your relationship will turn into what I had with your father. It’s healthy to fight as long as no one is demeaned,” she says.

“He would never do that,” I say in his defense. “I found out he kept something from his past from me. After everything I’ve shared with him, he hid this from me.”

She gets up and goes into the kitchen and comes back a few minutes later with two mugs of tea.

“Is it something that affects your relationship? Can this thing hurt you?” I sit up so I can drink the tea, and my mother sits next to me, laying a hand on my lap as I think about her words.

“No,” I admit. “I just wish he had shared it with me. I’ve told him about the painful parts of my life, and he didn’t do the same. That hurts.”

“I don’t know what the secret is,” she says as she strokes my hair. “And I don’t want to know. I will say that some things are too painful and difficult to talk about. We all open up in our own time. Don’t focus on this one thing. Think about the sum of all things, Vivi. I know you’re upset, but think about him and what he was going through, okay? Maybe he thought this would change the way you see him, and he didn’t want to risk that.”

When I nod at her, she doesn’t say anything else. She simply smiles at me and turns back to her laptop. She’s right about one thing. I only thought of my feelings and didn’t consider his reasons for not telling me.

Just as I’m reaching for my phone to check his many messages, I hear a loud pounding on my mother’s door. Neither one of us is startled. She looks at me and then looks at the door. I nod and she goes to open it.

He barely says hello to her as he storms through the door like a tornado, his long coat unbuttoned and his hair windswept. He comes and stands in front of me, hands on his hips as he scowls down. I stand up too, putting my own hands on my hips, as I look into his eyes.

“I’m going to start dinner. You two can talk in your room, Vivienne.” My mother walks away from us to the kitchen.

I turn back to Luke, but he grabs me by the elbow and practically drags me to my bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind us.

“I’m so fucking pissed at you,” he says, pointing at me. “You left and I had no idea where you were. I drove around like an idiot looking for you. I must have called about a hundred times, and you didn’t have the decency to let me know where you were. I’ve been worried out of my damn mind for hours. I was waiting for you to come home, but you come here and hide from me over some shit that happened years ago.”

He turns from me and starts to pace. He yanks his coat off and tosses it on the bed.

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