Page 76 of Crash

“I can tell you are a nice boy, Lucas. I watched you at the bakery. I know you care for my daughter. Your entire family does, and I’m so grateful.”

“I’m going to stop you right there. I love your daughter. Are you trying to manipulate me, Mrs. Chateau?” I accuse.

“No. Never.” She takes a slow sip of her water. The waitress comes and asks for our order. I had planned on picking the first thing on the menu so that this lunch could end, but Mrs. Chateau asks for a few minutes.

“I’m not the monster everyone thinks I am.”

“Oh, really? Then why does your daughter feel abandoned by both her parents? Why was she living with my brother and Sandy for two months before you showed up? Why did she tell me you were never there for her or stand up to her father on her behalf? Why does she feel unloved by you? All of that sounds pretty monstrous to me.” I flag the waitress and order the first chicken entrée on the menu. Mrs. Chateau orders the same.

“All that is true. I will make no excuses, but I was sick, Lucas. I didn’t even know I was sick until Vivi left. It got so bad, I thought of ending it all. She’s the only reason why I didn’t go through with it. I channeled my daughter’s strength. I’m seeing a psychiatrist now. I’m on medication. I just want a chance with my daughter so I can earn a place in her life.” She reaches across the table and grabs my hands. “I know you love her, and I’m so grateful to you, Gabrielle, and her girls. Maybe you can convince her to talk to me.”

Her words are like a punch to my gut. I knew she had issues, but the degree surprised me. Vivi would have been devastated, and it’s that thought that forces me to squeeze Mrs. Chateau’s hands, offering her solace. She smiles wide at the same time her eyes fill with tears. She only lets go of my hands to grab her napkin, her hand trembling as she wipes her tears.

“I’m happy you’re getting help, Mrs. Chateau, but I can’t force Vivi to do anything. She knows her own mind, but I think the fact that you’re—”

A shadow falls across the table. We both look up expecting to see the waitress but find Vivi instead. I pull my hand from Mrs. Chateau’s and stand up immediately, nervous at the angry look on Vivi’s face.

“Really, Lucas? My mother? I thought you were here with that bitch ex-girlfriend of yours, but I find you here with her?” she asks, pointing in the direction of her mother. I start to speak, but she interrupts me. “Oh my god! Is this who you were texting last night? These are the weird calls you’ve been getting?”

I quickly pull out another chair and point for her to sit, but she remains standing.

“Yes, she’s been calling. Wait? Why the hell are you bringing up Tori? Do you think I would go behind your back and meet with her? What the hell, Vivienne?”

“I saw you come in here. I was going to bring you lunch, but since I saw you, I figured you were going to surprise me, so I left. Then I saw her name on the visitor sign-in sheets and you never came back with lunch! What the hell was I supposed to think when I saw her name?” She turns her attention back to her mother. “I want you to leave us alone, Jocelyn.”

Her face turns red just like her daughter’s. I know she’s going to offer a rebuke for being called by her first name, but I speak first.

“Let’s get one thing straight. I would never, ever do that. Ever. And I want to help, which is why I’m here.” She turns an incredulous look on me. I know that look. It’s one second away from the look of betrayal. I grab her hand and kiss it several times. “Let’s have some lunch and talk. She’s not going away, and you owe it to yourself to listen. You can’t really make any informed decisions if you don’t have all the information. If you still want to walk away, we’re out of here, but I think you should sit down, share a meal, and listen.”

Mrs. Chateau is watching, and I can tell she’s holding her breath, waiting for Vivi to decide. She still hasn’t taken a seat, but we both breathe with relief when she says, “Well, you have to call and ask Colleen to stay at the front desk. I told her I was coming right back.” She finally sits down, but she crosses her arms across her chest as I make the quick phone call to the office.

“All set at work. Let’s get you a burger, okay?” She nods and I flag down the waitress to ask for a cheeseburger with extra bacon and sweet potato fries. After I place the order, I pry her arms from across her chest, intertwine our fingers together and kiss the top of her hand. “How were classes?”

“Fine,” she says before turning back to her mother, waiting for her to speak. “I’m sorry you’ve been dragged into this mess, Luke. I wish you had told me she was calling you. I don’t want this to become your problem.”

“I’m here for you. Always.” Holding on to Vivi’s hand, I turn to her mother as well as we all wait.

Mrs. Chateau clears her throat and begins. “Well,” she says, voice trembling, “I was telling Lucas that things got really bad for me after you left. I fell into a deep depression, and I didn’t know how I was going to get out. I decided one day, I was just going to give up.” Vivi’s hand goes limp in mine. She opens her mouth a fraction and takes a deep breath before turning to face her mother. “I thought of you and how strong you are, and I told myself maybe you got just a drop of that strength from me. I went to the hospital immediately. I was admitted and I met this wonderful therapist, Dr. Ruderman. Vivienne, I never realized I was sick before that. I thought I was just sad. I was stuck in an unhappy marriage, and I didn’t know how to be a mother. I felt like a failure, but I didn’t realize I was clinically depressed. I heard the words before but didn’t know the meaning. I had no joy in anything. I couldn’t sleep, didn’t taste food when I ate. I didn’t want to do anything. It was a struggle to get up and go to work every day.” She finally stops speaking when the waitress brings our food. She uses that as an opportunity to grab Vivi’s hand, and to my relief, Vivi doesn’t pull away.

“I’m not making any excuses, but I have a real condition. I know that’s no comfort to you when you needed a mother, but I want you to know, I did what I could. I’m the one who pushed for you to go to your aunt’s every summer. And he never covered your college tuition. Whatever financial aid didn’t cover came from me, but he took credit. I went to the school to pay your bill for this semester, but when I got there, I was told you had a zero balance.” She puts Vivienne’s hand to her face. “I want you to know that I’ve always loved you. I didn’t know how to show it. No one, other than you, has ever loved me. My own parents didn’t, or they didn’t know how to show affection. My father died early, and I think my mother was depressed too, and I turned around and did the same thing to you. I’m learning a lot about myself in therapy, Vivienne. I married your father because I needed a green card. I came here with a student visa and there was nothing left for me in Haiti. Your father is eighteen years older. I learned that I held on to him because I was looking for a father figure. I was so confused. I never had an idea of what a healthy marriage looked like. I was young and stupid, and I let him make all the rules. I know how that has affected you, and I’m so sorry. I’ve failed you. I know that, and I have to live with it every day, but I’m begging you for a chance.”

Neither one of us has touched our food. I can see Vivi’s eyes have glistened. I don’t know if it’s from sadness for her mother or rage.

“A chance for what?” she asks.

“To get to know each other. To have a relationship. I’m going to continue with the therapy. It saved my life. I’m going to keep taking the medication. Maybe one day, we can go to therapy together. I want to be your friend. I have an apartment.” She fumbles around in her purse pulls out her phone. She hands me the phone and Vivi and I look through the photos together. “I have a bedroom for you.”

“Why did you let him have the house?” Vivi asks. “You’re just going to let him keep it?”

“No. I have a lawyer and I want to sell the house. I don’t ever want to go back there. There is nothing but sadness and misery in that house. Moving out has been good for both of us. When we sell it, I can buy something, but for now, I love my apartment. Maybe you and Lucas can come over this weekend. I could cook for you,” she says, desperately looking between me and Vivi.

“I’m not going back to live with you,” Vivi says.

“It’s your home whether you live there or not, and Lucas is welcome anytime too. He can sleep over. I know you’re an adult, so I won’t treat you like a child.” She reaches over and strokes Vivi’s hair with her free hand. “And I know Gabrielle is old fashion and would never let him sleep over.” I let out a loud laugh at the table, and Vivi giggles, which causes her mom to laugh and cry at the same time.

“You got that right, Mrs. Chateau. I can’t even so much as get a little kiss when she’s around.”

“Jocelyn, Lucas, or you can call me Jojo.”

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