Page 70 of Crash

“One more hour and we can go. You know you don’t have to sit here all morning, Luke.” I open the bottle of water she handed me and take a slow sip.

“I like being with you, and it’s your Christmas present, remember? A day of Luke and Vivi,” I remind her.

“It’s going to be great,” she says. “Steve should be here soon and then we can leave.” More people come inside so I return to my table.

When Vivi proposed giving each other gifts that didn’t cost money, I had dismissed it immediately, but then we broke up and I was too miserable to think of shopping.

When she was wrapped around me the night of our reunion and told me what happened on Christmas Day, I knew she needed to be shown how special she is.

“You never told me about your actual Christmas day. I was so jealous of Jake and Sandy because they got to share part of the day with you.”

“Well,” she says, taking a deep breath, “I cried all morning but felt better by the time people started arriving at my aunt’s house. Then my mother showed up.” I hold my breath and wait for her to tell me more. “I couldn’t deal with her being there on top of everything else, so I walked out of the room. Sandy followed me and we had a great talk. I told her about us and how I ruined everything, and she talked me through my fears. Anyway, when I went back to the living room, my aunt had already kicked my mother out, but she was still outside pacing. I let her back in, and she just stood there like a deer in headlights, staring at me. You know my aunt is blunt. She asked her point-blank why she was still there. She ignored her but looked at me muttered some bullshit about how she never knew.”

“Never knew what?” I ask once Vivi goes quiet on me.

“I had no idea, and since I wasn’t in the mood for riddles, I told her she was free to leave, but she pulled me into the bathroom and closed the door.”

“Did she hurt you?” I ask. In my mind I have a dozen different ways I’m going to make her pay.

“No. She’s never laid a hand on me, but she burst into tears. Between her sobs, she told me she didn’t know how to be a mother. Her own mother was never interested in her or her siblings, so she raised me the same way her mother had raised her.”

“Are you shitting me?” I ask, thinking of my own mother, who has been nothing but doting and attached to all three of us. “What kind of excuse is that?”

“I know. I became so angry. I lost it and told her to get out, and she doesn’t get to make any excuses after treating me like shit for twenty-one years. She started to speak, but I didn’t want to hear it. She got the message and left.”

“I’m sorry.”

I feel her shrug against me.

“It is what it is. Do you know how it feels to grow up thinking your parents don’t want you? It’s hell. It messes with your head and your self-esteem. It makes you question everything you do. You blame yourself. Despite the therapy I’ve had, I still have moments where I think I’m the one who did something wrong, that I’m just not good enough. And I believed her when she said she didn’t know any better, but that doesn’t makemefeel any better. If she thought that would get her sympathy, she was wrong.”

“Steve’s on his way,” she says, breaking me out of my thoughts.

A few minutes later, Steve walks in through the front door. He holds it open, and a woman in a long coat follows him inside. I’ve only seen her once before at my brother and Sandy’s wedding, but I know exactly who she is. I quickly turn my gaze towards Vivi, ready to stand between her and her mother, but her back is turned, and she’s unaware of the surprise visitor.

Vivienne looks more like her aunt and Tash than her own mother, but the freckles she has across the bridge of her nose are from her mom. Their hair is also identical. The woman is taller by a few inches, but she’s just as thin, almost unnaturally so. She’s also very young.

She looks around, frantic. She spots Vivi, and relaxes for a split second, but the anxiety returns almost immediately.

“I found her outside in the cold,” Steve whispers to me. “Hey, Viv,” he says, walking away from me.

Vivi turns at the sound of Steve’s voice, the smile on her face fading away when she sees her mother standing there. She recovers quickly, though. Her smile returns and she addresses Steve.

“We’re ready to go, so we’ll leave once you wash up.” Steve nods and jogs to the back of the bakery.

The three of us stand there, no one saying a word. Vivi removes her apron, walks from behind the counter, and comes over to take my hand. I squeeze it before lifting it to my mouth, offering her support in the form of a kiss.

I sense her relief when Steve comes back, ready to work. His aunt soon follows, walking a bit faster than normal.

“Okay,” Vivi says, “let’s go, Luke. Auntie, I will see you tomorrow, I hope.” She gives her aunt a kiss, and she starts to pull me towards the back.

“Vivienne,” her mother says, her voice firm but tentative. The husky voice is another thing Vivi has inherited from her mother.

Rather than answer her mother, Vivi walks faster.

“Vivienne!” she yells, running behind us. Vivi stops and spins around to face her mother. She still doesn’t say a word to her, but looks her in the eye, waiting for her to speak. Mrs. Etienne is right behind us, her arms crossing her chest.

Vivi’s mother licks her lips, looking from me to her daughter. Now that she has Vivi’s attention, she seems unsure of what to say.

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