Page 55 of Crash

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused. “She’s beautiful.” Tori’s long, tanned legs and blonde hair were the first things I noticed about her.

“Is that all you see in her? You’re young, so you should enjoy yourself,” he says seemingly relieved.

“What? No! I like her for more than that. She’s smart. I thought you of all people would appreciate the fact that she wants to go to law school.”

“She’s mentioned our family home in Martha’s Vineyard three times and has done nothing but talk about money and trust funds.”

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing. I invited her to the Vineyard this summer. And so what about the other stuff? She’s ambitious, and she doesn’t need our money. Her father’s a doctor.”

He runs a hand through his hair and rubs his face before turning to look back at me. Unwilling to hear whatever else he has to say, I try to walk past him, but he catches me by the elbow. “She’s having dinner with your brother who is twelve years older than you are, and she hasn’t asked me one question about you growing up. She hasn’t looked at you or touched you once since she sat down.” He says it plainly, and even though I know he’s right, I refuse to acknowledge any truth to his words.

I yank my elbow out of his grasp.“You want her to stick her tongue down my throat in the middle of this restaurant? You want her to give me a hand job under the table, Troy?”

“No, but when someone is into someone, it’s obvious. You’ve been looking at her. Has she looked in your direction once? When you put your hand on top of hers, she moved it out of your grasp, Luke. It was discreet but noticeable. She’s been quizzing Tracy. Have you been paying attention? She asked Tracy questions about her life before marrying a Clark. Do you know why she did that? To compare it to her life now.”

“She’s just trying to get to know your wife. Jesus! I know what you’re getting at. She’s not some social climber.”

“You said it, not me.”

“But that’s what you were getting at, right? You showed me the way and made me come to my own conclusion? Isn’t this the same thing that Mom accused Tracy of? Are you turning into Lilian Clark? You’ve known her for thirty minutes, and I’ve known her for a lot longer. And I resent the fact that you would think that a girl would only be into me for my trust fund.”

I start to walk out of the bathroom, but he pulls me back. “Not all girls, just this one.”

“This is really shitty of you, Troy. This is the last fucking time I’ll bring her around you, don’t worry. With all the shit between you and Jake, you’d think my loyalty to you would mean something.” It’s an awful thing to say to him. I know this, but he’s hurt me with his words, and I want to retaliate. For the second time, I yank my arm out of his grasp and walk out of the bathroom.

The rest of the meal is awkward, which everyone but Tori notices. I order a drink and decide to put the confrontation with Troy out of my mind. I ignore the fact that Tori continues to question Tracy about her lifestyle, particularly how it’s changed since she married Troy. When the ladies leave to go to the bathroom, I refuse to speak to my brother. When they return, I ignore the changes in Tracy. Like the look of unease on her face, or how she tried to take control of the table conversation. I ignore her outright refusal to answer any more of Tori’s questions.

I ignored all of that, and that led us to an unplanned pregnancy and an abortion I didn’t want, which led me to barely finishing my senior year and living like a hermit in my apartment for the fall semester. When she started dating another senior by the name of Lawrence Toler, the son of a biotech engineering firm CEO, I moved back to my parents’ house and commuted to campus.

I couldn’t even find it in me to be happy when I found out Lawrence left her to get back with his high school girlfriend, the daughter of a Google executive. By that time, the damage had been done.

“I’m over it now,” I say to him, breaking myself from the reverie. “You’re right. I was depressed after the breakup, and you were right about Tori, but I wasn’t ready to hear it then. I was blind. Vivi is nothing like Tori.”

For the first time since walking into my office, Troy laughs.

“I know she’s not. I figured something was going on since the holiday party. It was always in your body language or the way you were always looking at each other from across the room, but your reaction today confirmed it. Vivi’s a sweet girl. Anyone who agrees to take Travis into a department store is okay in my book,” he jokes.

“Yeah, she is,” I say, remembering the way she stroked Travis’s hair and kissed his forehead. I never told Troy this, but after that disastrous dinner, the baby brother in me still wanted Troy to like my girlfriend. One day, I asked Tori to babysit the kids with me one Friday night. She responded with an eye-roll and told me to call her the next morning so I could take her to breakfast.

“Are you ever going to tell me what happened between you two? I know it was more than two people breaking up, Luke. You withdrew from all your friends at school. Jake and I became your only friends. We don’t mind, but you’ve always had your own friends before.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore since there’s nothing I could have done, but I’ll tell you on the condition that we never talk about it again.” When he nods, I continue. “It was an unplanned pregnancy. I wanted her to keep it, but she said she didn’t want it. I told her I’d raise it on my own. She agreed, and we decided we’d tell her parents together when I went to visit her, but she went behind my back and terminated the pregnancy. She said she wanted a career and wasn’t ready to be a mother or to go through a pregnancy. It was a shitty time. She started dating someone else when we got back from summer break, and I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t handle being around anyone. We had the same circle of friends and I cut them all out of my life. That’s why I moved back home during the spring semester.”

“Why didn’t you come to me?” he asks.

“You had enough going on. Tracy was pregnant. You were trying to adopt Emma. All the shit with Jake, so I didn’t want to add to it. There was one positive thing out of this, though. I had to tell someone, so I went to Jake, and that mended our relationship. He helped me.”

He lays a gentle hand on my shoulder and offers me a small smile. “You can always come to me, Luke. It doesn’t matter what I have going on, but I’m glad you went to someone.”

CHAPTER 30

VIVI

“Always sneaking into my room,” I say against Luke’s mouth as I push his pants and briefs down his legs. He kicks them both away before breaking the kiss. He pushes me, causing me to fall on my back onto the bed.

He looms over me, looking down on me as if I’m a feast and he’s a starving man. He lifts the long t-shirt and pulls my knees apart. He moans as he looks at me. I know this turns him on. Me in one of his t-shirts and no underwear.

“Oh, shit. I left the condoms in the car.” He starts to reach for his pants, but I point at the drawer in the nightstand. He opens it and pulls out the box of condoms, but his eyes light up when he sees something else.

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