Page 43 of Crash

“God damn it, Luke!” Troy says, but he’s laughing. I push him out of the way and hug Jake.

“I’m going to spoil the fuck out of this kid,” I announce.

“Take a number, young Clark,” Chris says. “The uncle competition is going to be fierce.”

“Young is the operative word. You old guys are lame.”

“Uncle Troy is going to be the favorite uncle. Sleepovers at my house whenever.”

“Except for the nights when he’ll be sleeping over at Uncle JD’s. I hope it’s a girl so Addison can have a best friend, but if it’s a boy, keep him away from my daughter when they hit puberty. I know what you Clarks are like.” JD says. He looks over at his wife and blows her a kiss.

My mother approaches and hugs my brother. “Jakey, are you going to find out the gender?”

Jake looks over at his wife, who’s pushing her mother’s hand away as she tries to put food in her mouth. Jake walks over, offers Sandy his hand, and helps her off the couch and away from her mother. He puts a protective arm around her shoulder, and she leans into him. He places a kiss on her forehead before he responds to my mother.

“Nope. You can cancel your gender reveal party plans, mother.”

“But we’re going to have one hell of a baby shower.” My mother rubs her hands together as she searches the room. “Terry, Tash, Gabrielle, and Tracy. It’s never too soon to start planning.”

“We have time for that, Lil. We want everyone to enjoy this party,” Sandy says.

Sandy’s mom tries to pry her away from Jake, but Jake holds onto his wife, shielding her from her mother.

I spot Vivi only to find her looking at me. She looks away as soon as my eyes meet hers, walks to Sandy, and hugs her, excitedly rubbing her still flat stomach. She even bends down and kisses Sandy’s belly before hugging her again. Vivi, unlike her aunt, manages to pry Sandy away from Jake.

“You okay?” Jake asks, nudging me with his shoulder. I know what he’s asking. I look at him, and despite the happiness radiating off his body, he’s eyeing me, gauging me.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I’m happy for you guys.” I nudge him back and turn, facing the room. He doesn’t say anything, but he knows me. He’s waiting for me to speak. “Whenever I pictured the baby, I always pictured a boy. He would only be a little younger than Travis and a little older than your baby. The three of them would raise all kinds of hell.” I finish my speech and smile sadly.

“I’m sorry, Luke,” is all he says. He’s the only one I ever told. This is what brought us back together as brothers.

“Me too. I really wanted that kid, Jake. He would have been so loved in this family.”

“Yeah, he would have.”

When the caterers announce dinner is ready to be served, Jake slaps me on the back before leaving me to join his wife. I hang back and watch as Vivi walks down the hall into the bathroom, and as soon as she closes the door, I follow her steps. When she opens the door to come out, I push my way in and close the door, leaning against it.

“Excuse me.” She tries to push me away. “You know we can’t be alone together.”

“Because you know you won’t be able to resist if I kiss you.”

“We’re not going to do any more kissing.”

“What about finger fucking or dick stroking?” I move away from the door and take a step closer to her.

She has the grace to blush. “None of that either.”

“Well, what if I want those things? With you.” She opens her mouth to speak, but I cut her off. “Think about it. It’s the perfect solution for us.”

“There is no us,” she says, crossing her arms.

“That’s my point. You don’t want a relationship, and neither do I, but the fact remains that we are attracted to each other.” I take another step forward.

“I’m not attracted to you.”

“But you are. If I kissed you right now, you’d jump in my arms and you’d let me make you come just like you did in my office. You’d let yourself go because you want me that much.” I finally reach her and put my hands on her shoulders. “You admitted you want to explore your sexuality. Explore with me.”

She takes a breath. The already small bathroom gets even smaller, and all I can hear is the sound of my own heartbeat.

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