Page 39 of Crash

“Yeah, I guess,” she says as she shrugs. “That will never be my problem. I don’t want to ever love anyone that much. I don’t want to love anyone at all. It’s messy and complicated.”

I agree with her. I’ve loved, and it has led to nothing but heartache and loneliness, but her words still bother me.

“Not always,” I counter.

“Sure, but it happens often enough. My aunt was a widow at a young age with two kids to raise on her own. My parents hate each other. Most of my friends’ parents are divorced. Most of my friends have had cheating boyfriends. To me, it’s not worth the risk.”

“But maybe your aunt experienced this amazing love for a few years. My parents are crazy about each other still. My brothers love their wives. I’m sure you can see that Sandy is happy. What about Tash? She’s been happily married to Chris for years now.”

“All of what you said is true, but I want no part of it.”

“Why not?”

“Because it makes you weak. Your happiness is dependent on someone else. I want to do what I want when I want. I want to travel the world.”

“And you don’t think you can do that with someone else?”

“With my luck, I’ll end up with someone who’s afraid to fly.” She lets out a loud yawn as she stretches. “I think I’m going to bed. Good night.”

She starts to walk away when I realize I’m not ready for the evening to end.

“How about another movie?” I suggest, eager to have her little body pressed upon mine again. “Lady’s choice this time.”

I can tell she’s weighing her options. She’s halfway turned towards her bedroom, but she’s not moving.

“I’m sure we can findErin Brockovichon demand. Or maybe a documentary on Gloria Steinem or Susan B. Anthony?”

“Very funny,” she says, but I claim victory when she walks back to the couch. She motions for me to come join her.

“The Notebook? Clueless?” I ask. She shakes her head at me and grabs my legs. She tries to twist me around, but she’s not strong enough.

“Lay down,” she commands. “And you can’t complain about my choice.” Once I’m lying on my side, she grabs the remote and climbs over me. Unable to get a clear view of the TV from behind me, she practically climbs on my side, her head lying on top of my armpit. She drapes the throw over us, and two minutes later, we’re watchingThe Big Lebowski.

“I love The Dude,” she says. We watch the movie, laughing the entire time. After that, she puts onShrek,but she falls asleep about halfway through. In her slumber, she moves and shifts her body into mine. She even throws an arm across my torso.

She looks so unguarded and vulnerable as she sleeps. I count the freckles on the bridge of her nose and take note of her thick eyelashes. I move her wild hair out of the way, exposing her neck, the blackness of her tresses a stark contrast to her skin.

Despite her beauty, she’s not the type I would go for. She’s short, and I always thought I was only attracted to tall, leggy women. Vivienne is unguarded and speaks her mind. Zoey only opines on makeup or reality TV shows. Tori was a lot more conservative. She had impeccable manners and always said the right thing for whatever situation we were in. Looking back, I never knew her. She was a chameleon, changing to suit every situation. Tori would never give someone like Vivienne the time of day.

I don’t know how I was so blind, but her friends at Boston College were old money, trust fund babies. I had noticed her. She’s a tall, blonde and hard not to notice. I didn’t think I had a chance in hell, so I didn’t even bother trying.

It was only after we broke up that I realized why she picked me.

When Vivienne lets out a loud, unladylike snore, I forget all thoughts about Tori. I turn off the TV, pull her closer, and lay my cheek on top of her head before dosing off.

CHAPTER 20

VIVI

“So,” I say to Sandy as I hop on top of her kitchen island. I’m wearing a short denim skirt, and the cold counter hits my bare legs. “What do you need me to do to help? Maybe I can ask to leave work a little early on Friday to help you set up.”

Sandy and Jake returned from New York earlier than expected to avoid being caught in the snowstorm. Thankfully, they didn’t arrive until a few hours after Luke and I woke up from our second night of falling asleep together while watching movies.

It was quite a sight. I was tucked into his side, my hand across his torso had found its way underneath his shirt. His hand was on my ass when I woke up and when he turned slightly, I felt a huge bulge underneath his pants. I jumped off the sofa as if burned, making some excuse about needing to shower.

By the time I walked back to the kitchen, he had walked and fed the dogs, taken his own shower, and was in the kitchen cooking breakfast. I don’t know what I expected, but he cooked a delicious frittata and made me a cappuccino.

We ate in silence, and when we were done, he insisted on cleaning up. He said it was his way of thanking me for dinner the night before and for keeping him company for the weekend.

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