Page 85 of Holly Ever After

I grimace, still tasting trifle on my tongue.

It’s good.

Well done, Mom.

I throw out my hands. “We’ve already figured it out. Sean knows what he wants, and it isn’t me.”

Mark arches his brow, looking at me like I’m stupid. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“Open your eyes, Holl.”

“What?”

“You’re playing blind. Sean will push you away. It’s what he does. But I’ve never met anyone more equipped to push back. You’re both pros at it.” If he’s trying to save my feelings, he shouldn’t. “Sean can be complicated.”

“Tell me about it.”

He rolls his eyes. “What I was going to say is that he took it on himself over the years to look out for you too. And somewhere along the way, I saw something change in the way he looked out for you.”

His gaze is sincere, and for a moment, I see the protective big brother who used to check for monsters under my bed. “I mean,” he pauses, choosing his words carefully, “Sean's always been there, right? Always around, always annoying, always...Sean. But a while back, it started to feel different. How he talked about you, how he looked at you, how he got all weird when other guys were mentioned around you.”

I frown, trying to decipher his words.

“He has grown up thinking he’s not good enough for much. That shit doesn’t leave you.” I think back on my conversation I had with Sean about Ashley, and my heart breaks. “I'm saying maybe he's been pushing you away because he's scared. Scared because his feelings for you changed. Because you're not just his best friend's little sister anymore. You're you.”

Then I think back on everything he said, and everything he didn’t. Sean has never been one not to go after what he wanted. If he wanted me, he would have said it.

For now, I push it to the back of my mind. It’s a problem for tomorrow.

I blow out a breath, feeling a headache bloom behind my eyes.

“And us?” I ask, smiling weakly.

“Will always have each other. That won’t change. I was just…traumatized.”

I can’t help but burst out laughing. “Traumatized?”

“I knock on all doors now. Lesson learned.”

Thirty-Four

I’m moping. It’s sad. I’m miserable to look at. My hair has seen better days, there’s mascara under my eyes that I continue to clean, but somehow always reappears, and these flannel Christmas pajamas remind me of Sean, but they’re comfy.

The saddest part of all: I’m sulking because of him.

The annual Christmas Games are today, but I feel myself coming down with a make-believe flu, so I texted my mother to let her know I won’t make it.

My beautiful little cottage feels empty. I wouldn’t have noticed if he had never occupied it. His presence, his stature, his personality, it was all too big and filled the days and nights completely. It’s impossible not to notice his absence now.

I miss him, and it’s stupid.

There's an echo of silence. Not the usual serene quiet of Pine Falls, but a deafening silence that screams of loneliness. The walls are familiar, but they're also witnesses to memories I'm trying to escape.

Every corner, every shadow, whispers of him.

And just like the cottage, my heart feels more hollow. It's an emptiness I didn't anticipate, a void I hadn’t known existed. It feels as if a part of me is missing—a part I didn’t even know I'd given away.

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