Page 17 of Only You and Me

“Okay, sure.” Trina looks away from me now, her eyes darting everywhere but at me.

“Trina, I’ve got no reason to lie to you. I’m aware there’s no going back for us. But I haven’t been able to get past you.”

“Oh, so you’ve been celibate?” she asks sarcastically.

“Not celibate. No. But I’ve only had sex with three women since you. And I’ve never…”

She gives me a few seconds to finish and, when I don’t, she narrows her eyes on me and asks, “Never what?”

“I’ve not kissed another woman—well, except my mom and sisters on the cheek—since you. I can’t bring myself to do it. Which doesn’t bode well for having a relationship because women tend to get pissed when you won’t kiss them.”

“What?” Her eyes narrow and her jaw drops. “You’re lying.” Her voice is a whisper.

“I’m not. There’s nothing left to lose by telling you the truth.” I scoff. “Except my pride, I guess. But my pride has cost me too much already. So, screw it.”

“Why are you telling me all this now?” Her tone is softer now.

I swallow the lump in my throat.

“I heard you telling the guys at the station that you don’t believe in soulmates or a one true love, and I hate you feel like that. I think maybe I did that to you.” She pales, wrapping her arms around her chest and rubbing her hands up and down. “As much as it kills me to think of you being with someone else, it’s worse to think that I stole your hope for that. The second thing… I need you to know I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for what I did to you that night. For hurting you. I’ll never forgive myself for that. But,”—I take a deep breath—“I know how much you wanted to be loved and to have a family. If I messed up your heart so badly that you haven’t let yourself search for that, you’ve got to let go of what I did. There are much better men than me out there. Men who would be more worthy of you and not fuck it up like I did.”

She takes a sip of her drink and won’t meet my eyes. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t want those things anymore.”

A sharp pain shoots through my chest at her words. At what I fear I ruined for her.

We’re both staring down at the table, silent, when Janie announces it’s time for the first dance.

“You ready?” Trina asks quietly.

I chuckle, but it can’t cover the sadness radiating off me. “Nah. I owe you one, Trina. So, I’m gonna let you off the hook and not hold you to the dance.”

Trina stands, and I’m sure she’s going to walk away, but she doesn’t. When I peer up at her, she’s watching me. “C’mon, Ben. It’ll be worse for me if we don’t dance. Everyone will assume I’m being a jerk.”

I stare up at her for a few seconds. “You sure?” I whisper.

“Yes, I’m sure. Plus, it’s for a good cause.”

* * *

TRINA

When we get out onto the dance floor, I try my best to hide how shaken up I am by all Ben said to me tonight. I wish I didn’t care. God, I wish for it. But I still do, and I hate that. I wrap my arms around his neck because, somehow, that’s less intimate than placing a hand on his shoulder and letting him hold my other one. But that means his large, firm hands have nowhere to go except on my sides. And with this dress having essentially no back, the tips of his fingers brush my bare skin. It takes everything in me not to shiver when the rough pads of his fingertips contact the exposed skin of my low back.

Why does this have to remind me so much of what it was like to be touched intimately by him? A feeling I’ve never been able to find since.

Neither of us speaks for the duration of the dance and I get lost in my thoughts. There’s a very real part of me that craves to lean in closer to him, to rest my head on his shoulder, but I mentally scold that part and shove her aggressively into the back of my brain. Ben Donley isn’t safe for my heart—he never was—and he never will be.

I have every intention of pulling away after the first song ends, but when the band continues on to another slow song, I stay there. Ben makes no move to end it, either.

What are we doing here?

I’m ripped from my thoughts when a male voice asks, “May I cut in?”

I turn my head to see who it is, and it takes a second, but I recognize him. I still my body, tensing slightly. “Joe…”

Ben’s hands tighten for a second around my waist before he removes them from my body and steps back.

“Nice to see you remember me,” Joe says, a flirty air in his voice.

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