Was it me that his heart wanted? On some level, I wanted him to need me as much as I needed him. I wanted him to feel that fulfillment I felt when I was in his caring arms. But it was wrong. John was supposed to be the one whose support I needed, not Xavier.
“He’ll want to come with me. If I’m coming back, I’m not coming back alone, Xavier. I’m coming back with John. Do you understand what that means?”
It was like the unspoken truth we’d lived with for the past few months had finally been set free. I was slowly falling for another man whose heart I would inevitably break, and I had no choice but to do so. I had no choice but to introduce my daughter to her father, who despite not knowing that she even existed, I was sure loved her with his whole heart.
“I understand. He needs to know, and you need a fair chance.”
Feeling pain tread on the tip of his tongue, I nodded. “We’ll go in September then,” I said. “I’ll talk toMary.”
“And I’ll start planning thetrip.”
This time, the shadow of sadness completely filled his eyes. It pained me to see him hurt. I wanted to say I’m sorry, but that would be like saying that I didn’t want to see John, and I wanted that more than anything. I wanted him to know how it felt to hold Hope in his arms. I wanted to see his reaction when he saw her smile or when she reached another one of her milestones. What I didn’t expect was for time to steal another three months from our lives. I didn’t expect that the time to repay my debts would come earlier than I’d planned.