Page 64 of Run with Me

“They’re not here now.” Xavier checked his tiny monitor. “We’regood.”

When we reached the back steps of the church, my heart was hammering in my chest.

“Stay close. Don’t do anything unless I say it’sokay.”

“Likewhat?”

“Like run into John’s arms when you see him before I have a chance to make sure he’s alone.”

Oh!

I could see how that could get me into trouble, and so I grasped the corner of Xavier’s sweatshirt at the back and followed him. The church was empty. I wedged my body into a nook between the confessional and the wall as Xavier went outside to check the perimeter. We took a chance coming here, but given that it was just before Christmas, I knew John would be helping Father Francis with the preparations. If we couldn’t find him here, we’d go to John’s familyhome.

“Okay, stay here until I getback.”

I knelt on one of the side pews of the empty Holy Name of Mary church. Being here today felt different, and for the first time since we crossed into town, I realized that the weird sensation I had in my stomach was one of not belonging. I could feel a change in the air, but couldn’t quite figure out what it was. Had I changed? Was it the town? It certainly looked the same. Feeling uneasy, I shifted in my seat. I wasn’t used to seeing the altar from the side, and so I peeked from behind a pillar. Near the three central steps, John was flipping through a few pages of paper. His back was turned to me, and he was still wearing his mass cloak. I quickly stepped out of the pew and tiptoed towardhim.

“John?” I whispered.

His body stiffened, and I felt a shudder pass through me. He turned in slow motion. I held my breath, watching his face appear from the side. I could feel my mouth lift into a curve and I touched my lips with my fingertips to actually feel the smile. This couldn’t be real. My heart was pounding, and my eyes were on the verge of losing a battle with the tears I was holding back. I hadn’t been this happy in what felt like years, and with that happiness came a sudden feeling of pain as my mind pounded with information I was supposed to register but didn’t. I didn’t want to listen to it. I didn’t want to listen to anyone, and so I ran toward him, slamming into his body with my full force. The papers he was holding flew out of his hands and up in the air. I tightened my grip around his neck and glued myself to his body, breathing him deeply into my lungs. The smell of candle wax and incense filledme.

“You’re alive? Oh, God! I can’t believe you’re alive!” Holding me in his arms, John started shaking, and I ran my hands up and down his back to comfort him. I held on to him so hard that I was afraid I’d hurt him. I finally took his face between my hands and kissed him hard on his lips. He didn’t respond, and so I smoothed my fingers over his cheeks, speaking against his mouth. “John, I missed you so much. I have so much to tell you.” I pulled back to look into his browneyes.

But his mouth was hard, and his lips didn’t reciprocate the kiss. I slowly slid down his body until my heels gently touched the stone church floor. A desperate squeak escaped from underneath my left foot as if it wanted to run away because it registered what I was looking at before the rest of me did. All that information that had been trying to break through to my brain was now suddenly pounding at my scalp – that the white collar over John’s Adam’s apple, neatly snuggled into the collar of his black shirt, wasn’t supposed to be there.

“John? What isthis?”

“Anna, how are youhere?”

What did he mean, how was I here? Why did it matter how I gothere?

“Are you a priest?” I took a step back. “Please tell me that what I’m looking at isn’treal.”

“Anna,” he reached for me, touching my cheek. When I backed away, he lowered his hand. “Yes, I am a priest. I didn’t expect you to comehere.”

“I didn’t come back to Pace because the man who killed our son wanted me dead, and you decided to become a priest? You said you would wait for me. How could you have thought I wouldn’t comeback?”

“Anna. I… I thought you weredead.”

What? Why would he have ever thoughtthat?

“But I sent you postcards.”

“What postcards?”

“Two of them. And Xavier left you a note in the rectory.”

“A note?” He appeared to be thinking back in time, and then he whispered, “Learn from yesterday, Live for today, and Hope for tomorrow.”

“Yes. I thought you’d know it was fromme.”

“But given that I thought you weren’t alive, I thought Father Francis had scribbled the note because we talked about moving Mikey’s grave to the crypt.”

Oh, my God! Mikey!

I felt my throat tighten at the mention of ourson.

“Anna, I’m so sorry. I know it hurts. It will hurt us for a long time if not forever. If I’d only known…”

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