Page 54 of Run with Me

“I do. Xavier blames himself for Casper’s death. He shouldn’t.”

“How did hedie?”

“A rare heart disorder. Xavier had just completed his residency when Casper was diagnosed. There was nothing anyone could have done. Xavier put hours, days, and weeks into research and still came up without a solution. It took a toll on both him and Lisa. When you’re with him, I see the old Xavier I used to know – the loving father and husband.”

“He was married?”

“No, but they acted like they were. The pregnancy was a surprise, but with Xavier’s medical exams, they never had a chance to make wedding plans. They set a date, but then Casper’s diagnosis came in, and the date was changed from a wedding to a funeral. It broke them both. Xavier wasn’t the only one who blamed himself. Lisa never forgave him. It tore them apart.”

“I can’t even imagine,” I whispered.

But I could. I felt his pain. I could even taste it every time my tears slid down my cheek straight into my mouth when I thought about Mikey. And then there was John, who was my only family. We were supposed to be happy, and I had ruined everything.

I pushed the thought aside. I didn’t want to spoil Cameron’s christening with sad memories, and so I reached into my purse – which of course used to be Mary’s purse – and removed the smallbox.

“I’d like you to have this. It’s for Cameron, but he may not be old enough for ityet.”

“Thank you, Anna. You know you didn’t haveto.”

“I know. I wantedto.”

Mary opened the box, gently pulling on the delicate ribbon to untie the blue bow. She captured the platinum necklace, looping it over her finger. It dangled there, shining brighter than gold, and I smiled.

“It’s an angel,” she said. “It’s beautiful.”

“I had it blessed. It’s Archangel Michael, and he will protect Cameron.”

“Anna, I… I don’t even know what to say. It’s too expensive.”

“Too expensive” weren’t exactly words I was used to hearing from Mary. Yes, it was more than I could afford, but Mary and John had given me so much, I had truly bought the gift from my heart; and seeing Mary’s reaction, it was worth every last penny. Tears were streaming down her face. She appeared so overwhelmed with emotion that she could barely catch a breath.

“Oh, don’t cry. There are enough sad days in our lives as it is. Be happy, Mary. Today is a goodday.”

“I know. Thank you. I’m just so glad that you’re in our lives.”

There was one other place I’d rather be than here, but this was definitely the next best thing. “And I’m happy to be here. But you know I need to go backhome.”

“Not yet, Anna. Please, I don’t know how I could handle being here on myown.”

“It wouldn’t be for long; a few days at the most. I need to tell someone about our little one, and I need to do itsoon.”

“Anna, don’t do anything stupid.” She leaned in closer to me, lowering her voice to a whisper. “I know what kind of a man you’re dealing with, and believe you me, you want to be as far away from him with your baby as you can. Nothing’s worth taking a chance if you’re risking your littleone.”

Her words stung. Was I already a bad mother because I wanted to go see John and tell him the truth? Was I being a bad mother by staying away from Pace and not telling this child’s father that he would be one? If he knew where I was, Ben would have dragged me all the way across the country by my hair. I didn’t care about myself, but I wouldn’t let him lay a finger on our baby girl, and since my baby girl would depend on me for a few more years, my life felt a little more precious than before.

“I wouldn’t risk her. Never.”

“I know, honey. Iknow.”

So why did it feel like it was never the right time to go back to Pace? I prayed for a safe trip there every evening and every morning, but I began to wonder how a trip was supposed to be safe if it wasn’t happening atall.

When I looked at Mary again, she was looking at me in a funny way, motioning with her eyes to the side. I turned to see Xavier standing beside us. His hand was stretched out as he waited for me to acceptit.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“I was wondering if you’d like to dance.”

“I didn’t know there would be dancinghere.”

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