Page 72 of Sin With Me

He sighed and finally took a seat beside me. The old wood creaked underneath our weight. The bench wasn’t that long, and squeezing in was a little bit of a challenge, especially with both the need to keep my distance and the desire to be close tohim.

“Does it help?” I asked.

“What?”

“Does praying help find the answers you don’t know you’re lookingfor?”

“That depends on you, Kate.”

“I’m pretty sure it will take a while, if not eternity, to make sense of… us. I’m… I’m so confused.”

“Have you spoken to Father John yet? He may be able tohelp.”

I shook my head. “What am I supposed to say? Hello, Father, how do you feel about your subordinate priest fucking a woman? By the way, I might be your step-daughter.”

Father Cameron winced.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to swear.”

“It’s all right. You don’t need to talk to him in such detail. Talk to him on a spiritual level first.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea justyet.”

“You know, you could always talk tome.”

“You already know what I did and that I’m going to hell. And what if I talk to you and hell begins coercing me to… you know, do it again?”

Not that hell would have a tough job doing so. It wouldn’t. Wanting Father Cameron even more than I did last night scared me; and my obsession for him wouldn’tease.

“I’m doomed no matter what I do,” I sighed.

There was no way out of this. I should have accepted that having him touch me like that again was out of the question. It was a one-time thing, no matter how much I wanted it to happen again. Yet I was certain that my craving for him would never be satisfied.

“That only means I’m just as doomed, if not worse.”

“No, you can’t be. You’re…”

“A priest, a human, a sinner, aliar.”

“Aliar?”

“I’ve lied to myself that I could do this job. I obviously lied to Father John. The more time passes and the more days I spend with you, I begin to realize that my path may not be what I thought itwas.”

What was he saying?

“Wait – you can’t quit being a priest because of… of what wedid.”

My heart skipped with an extra beat ofhope.

“I wasn’t thinking about quitting. Kate, I wish I could tell you how much last night meant to me. At the same time, I wish I could tell you that it meant nothing. I wish I could push you away; but it’s not that simple.”

“I know,” I whispered. “That’s what makes it so confusing. It feels wrong and right at the same time, but which one isit?”

Him sitting next to me, the heat of his body on my arm, distracted me. A memory of his bare thighs against mine flashed through mymind.

“That’s why I’m sorry to have put you in this situation. Confusing you about your faith was the last thing I wanted.”

Another glance back in time, and my need for him grew. Something twirled in the pit of my stomach, and it couldn’t have been food because I hadn’t eaten this morning.

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