Page 55 of Sin With Me

Chapter14

Kate

I hadn’t thoughtthis trip would be difficult until I saw Father Cameron in his underwear two nights ago, and then again, almost naked swimming in the river yesterday afternoon. Actually, I was pretty sure that he had been naked, but the damn creek was deep enough that I could barely see below his waistline. That was enough to send my imagination on another rollercoaster ride. Then I slid down the shameless path when I openly talked about all the parts of him that I’d seen, and I could tell he liked listening to me talk. From that moment forth, I couldn’t look at him the same way. Worse yet, I couldn’t stop thinking about him in ways that no one should have. My shame was slowly turning into an aphrodisiac, and I loved every minute of it. He was turned on too. I could tell when I saw him grow and slightly lift over the water’s surface.

I turned on a priest. I’m so burning alive forthis.

And if Lola knew, she’d never let me live itdown.

What the hell am I doing?

I wanted to believe that Father Cameron had chosen the wrong calling. I wanted to believe that he shouldn’t have become a priest, but that would be wrong. Then again, this so-called wrong felt so right that I was beginning to question my faith.

Tonight was the last night of the retreat. For the past two days, each time I saw Father Cameron, I tried not to think about him in all his naked glory. Every time we spoke, I pretended that his muscled body was just another human body. Yet when I lay in bed at night, that body became the focal point of my obsession. How fair was it that he of all people wasn't available? A body like his was meant to be sinned with, not to be covered by clerical robes and unflattering clothes. Except Father Cameron’s attire didn’t matter. When I looked at him, the world spun quicker while time slowed, and the universe no longer made any sense.

And so on this last evening, I tapped my fingers over the night table beside my bed, wondering whether he was in his cabin, lost in prayer, begging for the sins of his patrons to be forgiven; and God only knew, since I had plenty, he could be there a longtime.

“What’s the matter with you?” Lola asked.

“Everything isfine.”

“Is that why you’re looking at Father Cameron like he’s one giant lollipop you’d like to lick over and over again.”

“Eww, Lola. I’m not looking at him thatway.”

Was I? Of course I was; I’d just hoped that no one else had noticed.

“All right, a candy cane, then?”

“No, Lola. No sweets.”

“You prefer beef jerky?”

“Oh, just stop it, will you? I’m going to check if all the lights areout.”

“Make sure you check Father Cameron’s as well!” she called out, as the door to our cabin shut behindme.

I knocked on the first girls’ cabin, saying, “Lights out, ladies.”

The switch turned off. I went around the campsite’s perimeter and somehow ended up at the edge of the forest, right behind Father Cameron’s cabin. My legs had carried me to the same spot where I’d ogled him undressing on our first night here, and I couldn’t have been happier.

I leaned back against the same tree and waited, staring into Father Cameron’s dark window, wondering whether he was asleep. I wasn't sure what I was waiting for, yet I didn’t budge. The idea of seeing him naked was titillating. I should have buried that brewing yearning deep inside me – burned it if I could – but letting it go was more difficult than quitting smoking after a lifetime of cigarettes.

The thought of confiding in Father Cameron in a confessional crossed my mind, but that felt wrong aswell.

A light flicked on in Father Cameron’s cabin. Protected by the darkness of the night, I braced my back deeper against the tree. My feet remained pinned to the ground as if I’d been planted there since the beginning oftime.

Wearing a white t-shirt and jeans, he came out of his bathroom, sat on a couch, and turned on his laptop. I held my breath. Extending his legs out on the table he looked like any other man. Father Cameron reached for a bottle of cold beer and tilting his head back, put it to his lips. That was the first time I ever wondered about the temperature of his mouth after he’d had a few sips. The thoughts sent that delightful shiver over my spine, and I gently rubbed my back against thetree.

I should leave.

As I stepped to the side, Father Cameron reached for his zipper, and I returned to my spot. I held my breath while he unfastened it. I watched him scroll through the screen. A few clicks later, he shimmied out of his pants and lowered them to his knees. My heart rate sped as his hand slowly slipped underneath his boxer-briefs.

What is he doing?

I knew exactly what he was doing, but I didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to acknowledge that I was watching the priest of a parish I lived in getting ready to touch himself. In the back of my mind, alarms were ringing that I was invading his privacy. I shouldn’t be there. It was wrong, and I’d need to confess my sins to the same man I was staring at, but that didn’t matter. The moment felt so, so right that I couldn’t ignore the tingling sensation I had in my stomach. It traveled lower and lower, right to between my legs, and it felt so, sogood.

I strained in an attempt to see his laptop screen. The image of predominantly naked skin and two bodies writhing against one another was clear enough, and my mind took me on a ride, imagining it was me and him, skin against skin, twined limbs, slick bodies and satisfaction burning in our eyes. I saw Father Cameron grin as he began watchingporn.

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