Page 24 of An Honest Lie

“Have you ever been married before?”

“Um...weird,” Ursa said. “We all know each other’s dating history.”

“Not so weird,” Tara piped up. “We don’t know very much about Rainy, since she’s our newest.”

On cue, they all looked at Rainy, who was still reeling and desperately wanting there to be an earthquake at that very moment to end this game and suck them all into the ground.

“I—”

Had they done this on purpose, included that question for her? But how could they know what had almost happened to her? And how could they know that she would draw that question?

Her heart was pounding, and a familiar panic was rising in her throat. If she gave anything away, they’d know the truth before Grant did.

“No.” The word rolled from her tongue, firm and hard like a boiled sweet. It was easier than she expected it to be, though her heart was hammering around in her chest. Rainy, who had spent many years learning to be silent, chose that approach now. Sitting squarely and blinking lazily, she stared at them as they stared at her. When no more words were said, the room took on a weird energy. The white living room with its white furniture blurred in and out of focus. Rainy wanted to stand up and leave. She was almost relieved when Tara spoke, but her relief curdled as soon as the words were out of Tara’s mouth.

“When do you and Grant think you’ll tie the knot?”

The knot that formed in Rainy’s belly was not the same as the knot Tara meant.

Momentarily tongue-tied, she stumbled over her words before saying, “We’re not sure we will. I...er...I’m not so much a fan of the whole thing...?” The end of her sentence seemed to drop off in a question.Stupid, stupid Rainy.

Tara raised her eyebrows before glancing around the table to gauge everyone else’s response to this bit of news. To Rainy, she looked hungry as she searched their faces. Ursa and Mac, satisfied with her answer and already bored, looked indifferent. Marriage wasn’t a thing anymore; if people didn’t choose it, it was no big deal. They’d moved on, game over. Braithe and Tara were the only ones still looking at her, and Braithe’s eyebrows were drawn in what Rainy could only assume was concern.

“Does Grant want to get married?”

Tara was really pushing it with these questions. Rainy felt herself nearing anger as she licked her lips and lied again.

“No. We’re on the same page.”

Braithe gave her an odd look, like she knew Rainy was lying, and she probably did—she’d known Grant since they were teenagers. He’d no doubt expressed his desire to get married at least a couple times over the twenty years of their friendship. Her next words surprised Rainy, however. “Not everyone wants to get married, Tara,” Braithe said tightly. Tara shrugged, but there was a small grin on her lips that Rainy didn’t miss. Had they spoken about this together, the possibility of Rainy and Grant getting married? She supposed they had. After all, they’d known Grant longer than she had, and it was only normal to speculate about your friends’ love lives.

“Game over.” Braithe stood up, stretching. “We need to get ready.”

Getting ready, for Rainy, involved a three-minute shower, putting on an uncomplicated outfit and mascara.

“We’re gonna be a while, Rainy,” Braithe said, looking embarrassed. She had no makeup on yet, and she was wearing one of the hotel gowns. A hair dryer roared to life in one of the rooms, and Ursa began wandering around in a towel, looking for her curling iron. It was female chaos.

She should have taken a longer shower, washed her hair, put on a more complicated outfit...but the trouble was, Rainy didn’t know how to take a long time to do things; she rushed through everything, which made her feel like she was failing at being a woman. These women were part of a ritual that she didn’t understand: bonding through talk and preparation.

It’s just not how you grew up, she thought, and then flinched. Sara always seeped into her memory when she was in a group of women, even when she tried to keep her out. The normalcy of these women, talking and laughing together, made her long for something she hadn’t allowed herself since then...since Sara.

“The shops and bars downstairs are great if you want to get started without us.” Braithe’s voice pulled her out of her feelings, dropping her into less complicated ones. They were trying to get rid of her. Did she care?

“I’ll go walk around for a bit,” she offered, standing up. If they wanted to talk about her, let them. They needed to dissect her answers to the game, right? Well, she needed space.

“I’ll text you when we’re heading down,” Braithe called to her.

Grabbing her bag, Rainy chewed the inside of her cheek as she made her way to the door. The sounds she left behind were familiar, the sounds female friends made when they were together. Happy sounds. And more importantly,theirsounds; she was not included.

When she saw how crowded the lobby was, she decided to wait downstairs in the hotel bar instead of fighting her way through the bodies that clogged the hallways. Soon, she was sipping a beer and watching the TV as an excited meteorologist updated them on the storm. She hadn’t liked the vibe in the group since they’d arrived at the hotel, but that was probably just her. God, if she had to be here, she wished it were with Grant. She stared at her phone, willing him to text, but knowing it wouldn’t happen for another few hours. She’d marry him if she could. It was that simple. But these women didn’t get to weigh in on that.

Things are weird, she texted Viola.

Stop it. Try to have fun.

She nodded, as if Viola could see her. She put her phone away and drained her beer.

“You need another?”

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