Page 30 of F*ck Marriage

Woods lowers his voice when he says, “The doctor said it was an ectopic pregnancy…”

I nod, tears filling my eyes. Somehow that should make me feel better, but it doesn’t. I was raised Catholic, I’m good at guilt.

“Well, look at us comforting each other,” I say.

Woods grins. “We’ve come a long way.”

But is it the right way? I want to ask. Because it doesn’t feel right. None of this does. Mayhap I am the bitter, jealous ex-wife. Yes, that is probably it. Even if there aren’t feelings involved, it would bother me that my ex-husband was trying to procreate with someone else. It’s just ... awkward ... uncomfortable. Like our life before didn’t matter. Divorce isn’t supposed to happen, but it does, and no one really knows how to deal with it. It frees you of one thing while imprisoning you with a thousand others. Life isn’t even remotely fair.

“Okay, well, I better go,” I say, suddenly feeling the full force of awkwardness.

My palms are sweating. When I get back to my office, I lock the door and lie down on the carpet with my palms flat on the ground, staring up at the ceiling.

I’m close to dozing off when my phone pings from my pocket. I think about ignoring it, but eventually I raise my hips, reaching to slide it out of my back pocket. I sit up right away.

Chapter Fourteen

Denise Tarrow never beats around the bush. The very first time she met me, she said, “So, are you going to give me grandkids, or are you one of those career types?”

I’d been too shocked to respond, and by the time I’d found my voice, Woods had chastised her and the conversation had moved on to something else. I liked her despite her lack of filter and general inclination to meddle in other people’s business. Once you got used to her personality, it was hard not to appreciate the care behind her actions.

I’d almost forgotten about her mentioning us getting lunch until she texts to ask if I want to meet at Gramercy Tavern on Tuesday.

I stare at that text for a long time debating what to do. Having lunch with Woods’ mother feels like I am stepping over a line. And while that’s exactly what I came back to New York to do, doing it so soon after Pearl’s miscarriage feels wrong.

It is tacky, no doubt.

Almost as if she’s reading my mind, she sends a follow-up text.

Pearl doesn’t have to know…

I can’t suppress my smile. That seals the deal because I text back and tell her I’d love to meet. We decide on an early dinner, and I set down my phone with a sinking dread. This is what I had wanted just a few months ago. To prove to Woods that marrying someone else is a terrible idea. But now that my plan is unraveling in just the way I wanted it to, it feels ... dirty.

On Tuesday I’m heading out of the office an hour earlier than usual to meet up with Denise when I bump into Woods on the stairwell. I don’t normally take the stairs, but there is an Out of Order sign on the elevator doors.

“Still have that shirt, huh?” I eye the T-shirt he’s wearing. The lettering is faded, but you can still make out the words.

“It’s my favorite.”

“Band or shirt?” I ask.

“Both.”

I bought the shirt for Woods at a concert we went to on one of our first dates. I can still remember the way his skin smelled when he leaned in to kiss me, the beer on his breath and the way his thumbs rubbed circles on my lower back as his tongue made its way into my mouth.

“Want to grab something to eat?” he asks.

There is scruff on his face and the tender skin around his eyes looks grey, like he hasn’t slept in a week. I imagine this is all taking a toll on him.

“Can’t.” I smile. “Maybe another time…”

“Come on,” he says. “I need you.”

At first his words hit me in that sore, insecure place where I keep the things that I pretend not to care about: Daddy issues, Mommy issues, Woods’ issues…

I need you. He used to say that to me while his lips kissed a line down my neck, fingers roving over my body. I feel heat climb to my face at the memory.

I think about all the times I needed him, like when our marriage was on the rocks and I was stretched as thin as membrane, and he stuck his dick in someone else instead of keeping his vows to me.

---