Page 109 of Playmaker

Darcy enfolded me in a hug. “I know, sweetie. But do more than that. Feel. Figure out how you feel about this guy. Because he’s making a grand gesture, and you could really hurt him. I totally understand why you don’t want a relationship, but that doesn’t mean you don’tneedit. If you’re willing to go all in, then this is your chance. But don’t go in only halfway.”

I leaned back, eyes annoyingly damp. “I don’t know, Darce. You’re right, I don’t want to hurt him. But if he left too…”

“He’s showing you he won’t.”

“But how can he know that? People love to make promises but they don’t keep them. And for this…well…” I looked down at the faded, stretched-out gray T-shirt I had on, long enough to mostly hide my figure. “There’s no way I’m enough.”

Darcy grabbed my chin. “You damned well are enough, Callie.”

I whispered through a mouth that couldn’t move thanks to his grip. “I’m scared.”

“Oh, sweetie, I know. How brave can you be?”

I didn’t know.

* * *

Thankfully the nextday was Friday, because I needed the weekend to work out my thoughts. I got through the day at work, somehow, and came home to an empty condo. Darcy was working closing, so he’d be gone till after midnight.

A list. That should help. A list of pros and cons. I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and sat at the table with a glass of wine and dragged a line down the middle of the sheet.

Pros on the left, cons on the right.

The cons came easy. Risk of getting hurt. Risk of hurting him. Sudden public exposure—I could only imagine pictures of me showing up with Cooper at things like that charity dinner in the papers. Conflicts from two demanding careers. Kids. Did he want kids? Did I? His popularity, my lack of hockey interest, his family.

Time for the pros. Sex. Money. I wanted to stand on my own, but even though I had no intention of keeping his assets, having a wealthy partner did mean there was a buffer, a big one, between me and living in dingy motel rooms and eating ramen. Never wanted to repeat that.

The con list was winning. Were there more pros?

I’d never have to worry if I’d chosen the right outfit, if I was with Mr. It’s Not Hard to Look Good. I could get better at golf, so I’d be able to do well at the annual tournament. I might eat out more, with someone to go with and who had a budget that could handle meals. Darcy’s schedule was all over the place, and even with the minimal rent I charged him, his budget was tight.

Maybe I could learn how to drive.

I was filling up the pro side with frivolous issues to try to even out the cons. Which told me I already knew the answer. I was just scared. The pen fell from my hand.

I drew in a breath. I wanted this. Enough to do it. My breathing grew shallow, and I dropped my head into my hands. I wasn’t just scared, I was terrified.

* * *

I spentthe rest of the night watching some of Darcy’s rom-coms. Assuring myself that people with different backgrounds and circumstances could make a go of it. Trying to lose myself in the stories so I wouldn’t start panicking again. I was still there when Darcy came home.

“You okay, Callie?”

I was almost vibrating in my seat. “No. I’m not.”

Darcy crossed the room and dropped on the couch beside me. “What’s wrong?”

I huffed a nervous breath. “I made a decision.”

He cocked his head. “It’s a little concerning that I can’t tell what you decided based on the way you’re acting.”

I nodded. “I know. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I should say no.”

He put his hand on his chest. “You decided…yes?”

“I made a list but I kept pushing things to the pro side so I must want it but I’m freaking out. Seriously. That must mean it’s the wrong decision, right?”

Darcy put his hands on my shoulders. “Breathe, Callie. Take some deep breaths.”

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