Page 102 of Playmaker

“Don’t hurt her.”

I flinched. “I’d like to make sure she’s never hurt again.”

He bit his lip. “Okay, I’ll let you know. But I gotta get to work now.”

“Thank you for talking to me. And if you decide to help me, I owe you. Anything.”

Darcy met my gaze. “No, you won’t owe me. If I do it, it’s for her.”

* * *

Callie

I was off my game.I was definitely off, or I’d have noticed Darcy was up to something. And I wouldn’t have been thinking in sports analogies. When I entered the restaurant where I was supposed to meet him for dinner, I was completely blindsided to see Cooper sitting in the booth across from him.

I could have turned around and walked out. I could also have stomped over and told them off. What I did was drink in the sight of Cooper for long seconds. I missed him. I’d thought these feelings would diminish. I thought theyhadstarted to diminish, but one glimpse of him and my insides caved. And then began to spread warmth as I soaked in his body, his face, and mostly, his eyes. They were shadowed, as if he’d been having difficult nights as well since I’d last seen him. But they were blazing, focused on me.

This wasn’t good. Not for my recovery, not for my mental health.

Darcy stood up and walked toward me. I switched my focus to him.

“I don’t blame you if you’re angry with me. Cooper talked to me and convinced me that he had something you needed to hear. I think you should listen to him, but if you really don’t want to, we’ll walk away.”

I heard something like a growl from where Cooper was sitting, but I concentrated on Darcy’s words. Now that I was over the first shock, and had soaked up some Cooper, I was angry. It had beenmydecision,mychoice, to end what was going on between us. Cooper was pushing my friend. Pushing me through my friend.

Rubbing up against that was the trust I had in Darcy. He wouldn’t have set this up if Cooper was playing some kind of game. Darcy might admire Cooper as a hockey player, but he would put me first, wouldn’t he?

Mixed in with the anger and doubts, I was curious about what Cooper was up to. I’d refused to read or listen to his messages, since only a Cooper blackout would get me over these feelings. Part of me wanted to spend any additional minutes with him that I could. That part of me was dangerous. But that part also fed on dreams that had no basis in reality. It would be better to hear what he had to say, and deal with it, rather than imagining things that the dangerous part of me wanted to twist into hope.

I did my best to look like I was in control and not an emotional mess. I hated being vulnerable like this, which was why I’d put an end to this thing with Cooper as soon as I realized feelings were happening.

“I’ll listen,” I told Darcy. “But you stay.” Nothing too painful was going to happen with Darcy here.

Darcy returned to his seat. They’d been here long enough that they each had been served a drink. Cooper started to slide over, but I sat beside Darcy. It was harder than it should have been to meet Cooper’s gaze again.

Cooper relaxed, which made me nervous. I had to calm down, use my brain. Not everything was a zero-sum game. The fact that Cooper thought this was good for him didn’t mean it was bad for me. I reined in my racing thoughts the best I could and waited for him to speak.

“It’s good to see you again, Callie. I appreciate you listening.”

I nodded. It was easier to keep a nod from revealing anything than it was with words.

His glance went to Darcy, and then to the cup of coffee in front of him. He finally looked at me again.

“You wanted to end this, between me and you, because we’d promised no feelings. I understand. But you’re not the only one who came down with feelings, so I think we should open the discussion again.”

I blinked. It took a moment for those words to process. I wasn’t the only one who came down with feelings?

Oh.I took another look at Cooper. I’d already noticed that he looked tired, with shadows under the blue eyes and lines bracketing his mouth. But now I let myself see the warmth in his expression, the softness around that mouth. I wasn’t an expert on reading faces, but the best I could figure, he was telling the truth. I was more than an arrangement, more than benefits. He wanted…to do something with feelings. Something where we both had feelings. Dating, relationship, romantic involvement.

Oh, hell no.

The panic crept up my body, paralyzing my throat, making it impossible to do more than pull in air and keep myself upright. I didn’t want a relationship. I didn’t want to weave someone’s life into mine. I wanted to be in control of my life, not defenseless when they pulled away. I wasn’t giving up my security, my safety, for the chance to have it all blown up when someone else changed the rules or the end game again and left me behind.

Images of my mother, my foster families, the boys who’d promised everything in high school flooded my brain. It felt like the entire world had been frozen with my panic.

Both Darcy and Cooper were watching me, waiting for a response. My control must have been holding, since neither of them were reacting, arguing to change my mind. I drew in a long breath. I fought back the panic and thought past my knee-jerk reaction.

I was not being attacked. I didn’t need to fight. But I also didn’t need to agree. Cooper might have had an epiphany but that was not my problem.

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