Page 66 of Her Dark Salvation

“Want some wine?”

“No. Grazie. I had some with dinner. I just need to sit.”

She narrowed her eyes. “What’s got you in a mood?”

I snorted. “That obvious, huh?”

“You look like you’re about to strangle someone.”

I waved a hand. “I’m worried about Luca.”

She sat upright, feet flat on the floor, and red streaked into her eyes. “What’s wrong with Luca? What happened?”

“Calm down. Nothing happened.”

“Dannazione. Don’t scare me like that!” She eased back in her chair, and her eyes slowly cleared. “What’s wrong then?”

This wasn’t going to be an easy conversation. Gina took her role as Luca’s foster mother seriously. “He’s so angry. I thought we’d gotten him past all that.” I looked into the flames, unable to maintain eye contact, the pain in her expression too much to stomach.

She thought it was her fault, like she should have done more, been a better mother. But Gina wasn’t to blame. Neither was I. That poison had started and needed to end with Luca.

“He thinks the answer is getting involved with Vinnie, seeking vengeance against the Shaughnessys. He won’t listen to me.” I turned back to meet her eyes. “But he’ll listen to you.”

She scoffed. “What makes you think he’ll listen to me? He’s a grown man.” She lifted her wine glass. “He’s going to do what he wants,” she said and took a drink.

I ground my teeth. “You could at least try. Before he does something stupid and gets himself killed.” My tone was more biting than I intended.

My sister arched an eyebrow. “Non usare quel tono con me, Marco Luciano.” God, she sounded like Mamma. “You may get away with talking like that to Vito and Carmine and Angelo, but it won’t fly in this house.”

I sighed and swiped my hand down my face.

She set her glass on the end table and rested her elbows on her knees. Her mouth formed a stern line under eyes that told me I was in for a lecture. A lecture that would most likely piss me off. What was with everyone lately?

“You don’t have to protect him anymore. You know that, right? You don’t have to protect me either.” She said the words slowly, her voice quiet. I opened my mouth to protest, but her withering stare made me think twice. I pressed my lips together and held my tongue. “Or Mamma and Papà. Or this neighborhood. Or every single blood demon in the state of Massachusetts. I know you think it’s your responsibility, that it’s your cross to bear, but it isn’t. And it hasn’t been. Not for a long time.

“You’ve spent your entire life making up for our childhood, but the thing is, we’re fine. You don’t have to keep fighting. You don’t have to keep living like if you don’t control the outcome, we won’t make it. It’s no way to live, and one of these days I hope you’ll see that.”

She retrieved her glass from the end table and held it loosely in her hands. Hands that had begged for food when Mamma and Papà had nothing left to give. Hands that had known hard work at too young an age. Hands that had shaken with grief after losing her baby. Everything I’d tried to protect her from, and failed.

“You can’t save everyone, Marco. No matter how hard you try.”

I thought about Anna, about how she’d upended her career to find the piece of her life that was missing. She’d been so brave to just walk away.

Maybe Gina was right. Maybe this was no way to live. Maybe it was time to allow myself that missing piece.

I thought about Anna again, this time walking down the steps of the Arlington Station T stop alone at night, and apprehension seized my body. Even if I wanted to, I didn’t know how to stop my need to protect, to control. It was a part of me, down to my marrow.

“What else is bothering you?”

I gave my sister side-eye. “What, are you my shrink now?”

She lifted her eyebrows. “Conosco il mio fratellone.”

“Non è niente.” I dismissed her with a wave of my hand, but I knew she’d keep at it till I came clean. “I kinda had a date tonight.”

There was no dramatic exclamation, so I chanced a look at my sister. She searched the living room as if someone else might be there. “Am I on camera?”

I groaned and rolled my eyes.

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