Page 51 of The Outsider

“It would be something of a permanent position.”

“Permanent. Here.”

“Yeah.”

“I have... I mean I was going to...”

“What were you going to do?”

She looked up at him with wide blue eyes. “I don’t know.”

Bix felt embarrassed, standing there looking up at him. Daughtry, who was too perfectly formed for her to bear. And who seemed to just be. As easily as putting on a uniform every day. A man with purpose. A man who knew who he was, and what to do about it.

A man who made her feel.

Because it was maybe the most honest thing she had ever said to him, other than that outburst about everything she would’ve done with her life if she’d had a normal upbringing.

Because she didn’t know.

She had been lying to herself this whole time. In her head, she had thought it made sense to go to California because her dad did have some contacts there. She had been planning on setting up a still. Planning on getting the product out there, where her father’s name and reputation might mean something.

She had been planning, dimly, on trading on her father’s sketchy reputation down in a rural part of California where she didn’t have any friends or family.

The truth was, no one was waiting for her.

She had planted a seed inside of herself, a little white lie. An idea that there were people there she knew better than she did. A vague notion that they would be appreciative that she had showed up with product. It had given her a feeling like she was heading to a destination. That she had a goal.

She didn’t. She didn’t.

Nobody was waiting for her. Her father was imprisoned, and so was her brother.

Her mom might not even be alive anymore, and if she was, she doubted she even remembered she had a kid.

The only people who really had a sense of who she was... were the Kings. Daughtry King was offering her more than any other person ever had. And she would be an idiot to turn them down. That was the bottom line. That was the truth.

“What about...? I mean...”

“What’s worrying you?”

She laughed. “Only everything. Nobody has ever offered me a permanent position before. Nobody has ever offered me anything close to... Where am I going to live?”

“Here. For now. But you’re right, there should be some other housing.”

“I mean, you should probably let me pay for my own housing.”

“We’re lousy with land. If there’s one thing we’re not short on it’s places to stay. It doesn’t actually make any sense to have you paying for your own place. Because you don’t need a lot of space. It can be part of your compensation. We can continue with room and board. But I agree, you want to have your own space.”

“That’s... nice of you.”

“I’m not being nice. This is a good opportunity for you and for us.”

“Yes, you are,” she said. “You’re being nice. You have been, from the minute that you met me, and I really don’t know why. I just... I can’t believe thatyou’re being this... You could find somebody with experience.”

“I could. And I would have to pay them more. I’ll pay you something fair, but something that represents that this is your first gig. But also, there will be room and board. And you don’t have to stay forever. Get it set up and then... go to college.”

Her chest hurt. It was the hope. That was the problem. It was so foreign, so painful, it was the reason that she turned away from all of this most of the time. Because it was just... It was hard. It was just so hard. She wanted everything that he was offering.

She wanted everything she had found here.

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