Page 45 of The Outsider

Bix returned then, her plate piled high full of food—dinner food rather than pie—and they returned to talking about the running of the ranch.

That was when the band started playing, and people began to circle the bonfire, dancing and laughing. This was when the alcohol started flowing. It was better than any bar in his opinion. He didn’t have much use for Smokey’s Tavern, since the hookup scene wasn’t really his thing, but this was where Daughtry let himself have a good time. Because it was exactly the opposite of anything his father would have ever beeninvolved in. It was sharing. Sharing food, sharing success, sharing joy. The things that they had created at Four Corners, because they all worked together rather than working against each other. Because they engaged in honest labor, rather than trying to cheat anybody.

And so this was the one place that he let himself be a little bit more loose. Be a little bit more free.

He noticed that Bix was looking wistfully at the dancing. And he remembered what she’d said. About the prom she would have gone to, and the boy she would have dated. The regular old teenage mistakes she wished that she had made.

“Care to dance, Bix?”

Her eyes went wide. He reached his hand out toward her, and she looked down, then back up. “Yes.”

Bixdidwant to dance. Because she had been so looking forward to being at a party. And this place was the best party she had ever even imagined. It was filled with people, and everybody was happy. There was so much food, and the barn and the bonfire were amazing. But the minute she reached out and her skin touched his she realized that she had made a very strange mistake. Because her stomach flipped. Turned right over on its head, and damn near went inside out.

She hadn’t expected that. Because it had never happened to her before. She had felt hints of it, when she had seen Daughtry wandering through the house without a shirt. She did her best to ignore it. To pretend that it hadn’t happened.

But then her hand touched his. It was rough. Surprisingly rough. And it was a strange time to realize she had never held hands with another person before in her life. Well, it was entirely possible that when she was a child one of her parents had taken her hand to keep her from running off. To keep her safe. But she almost doubted that. Because it showed a level of care that she certainly hadn’t experienced in her memory from those people.

And now Daughtry was holding her hand.

Leading her toward the bonfire. She knew that it was casual. A lot of different people were dancing with each other at the bonfire, and it didn’t carry any significance. But it did to her, because she had never done it. It did to her, because she couldn’t remember being skin to skin with another person before, even if it was just their palms touching.

It opened up the cavernous ache in her stomach, and it made her feel small. Ashamed, in a strange way, because couldn’t all the people around her see that? Couldn’t he see it?

Oh, if he knew the truth about her, he would just think she was the saddest thing on record. Lonely. A virgin.

Having a strange moment of... was this lust?

Was that what the feeling inside of her was, this restless pounding of her heart, the twisting of her stomach. The awareness of her breasts. Normally they were just there. She did not think about them that much. Right then, she was thinking a lot about them. And her lips. Her lips felt strangely present. She could only blame him.

She couldn’t look at him. She was looking at his throat as they moved to the bonfire and he wrapped an arm around her waist.

And she nearly died then and there.

He was hot. It wasn’t the bonfire. It was him.

His hold was strong, and she shouldn’t be surprised by that. He was a very big man. Just broad, arms heavily muscled. She knew that. She had observed all that. She had seen him without a shirt, after all.

And she was very aware just then of the condoms in the drawer of his bedside table.

She also knew there hadn’t been any women at the house since she had come to stay. So they weren’t something he used a lot.

He had come home every night since she had gotten there. And she supposed it was possible that he did things during the day while she was gone, but she didn’t think so. Still, she knew they were there. She knew that he wasn’t just this benevolent presence in her life. He was a man. A full man, with a life that was fuller than hers had ever been.

With family, friends and lovers.

This meant nothing to him. Asking her to dance, taking her hand, had seemed like nothing to him.

She could see that in the casual way he had approached it.

But her? It felt like everything.

It felt singular.

She was desperate to make sure he didn’t see that. Because how embarrassing.

They were moving, but she was only dimly aware of the movements. She was doing her best to follow him. But then, that hardly took any skill. He was just so strong. The way he held her was so secure. So...

Amazing.

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