Page 111 of The Outsider

And he tried to pretend that it was just sex. And that it wasn’t quite so spectacular, and mind-blowing and soul altering because it was Bix. Because she was like a magical creature that had torn a hole through the fabric of his world, stepped inside and cast a spell on him. Affected real change within him. Change he hadn’t wanted or asked for.

Bix.

Oh hell.

She chose that moment to open her eyes, to look into his.

And that was what pushed him over the edge.

He clung to her hips as he thrust hard inside of her. “Yes,” she whispered. And she began to shudder and shake, coming apart around him.

He thrust deep, giving himself over to his need at the same time she did. And they held each other as they came apart.

Bix rolled over onto her side and he went to the bathroom to discard the condom. When he came back, she was eating cookies.

“Would you like some milk?”

“Yes, please,” she said, her mouth full.

He shook his head, went into the kitchen and got two glasses of milk. It struck him how satisfying he found that. Taking care of her like this. Giving to her like this. He came back into the room, and sat on the bed, handing one of the cups of milk to her.

He took a cookie out of the tub and dipped it in the milk. “You really made these?”

She looked proud. “I did. I had help.”

He took a bite of the cookie. “Damn, Bix,” he said. “This is great.”

Right then, it was easy to imagine a future that neither of them actually wanted. One where she baked him cookies. And he made her breakfast. Where they went to bed together every night and got up together every morning. Yeah. That was really easy to imagine right then. But that was only because he was raw, and the sex with her was so mind-blowing it made it difficult to think straight.

“I had a good time with your sister. And everyone else. I kind of understand the friendship thing now. So I told them the story about my brother and they... they kind of freaked out. Like what I was saying was crazy.”

“What story did you tell them?” All he could think of was the story she told him about her brother leaving her in the woods. It had made him want to kill the guy with his bare hands.

“Oh, and it was just one time my dad left him in charge of me, and he locked me in my bedroom for a couple of days. He gave me some water. I pretended that I was camping. That’s funny, because the other time you know when he left me in the woods, I actually was camping.”

“Bix,” he said. “What the fuck?”

He felt like he wanted to kill someone. Kill something. This rage, this was something he wasn’t familiar with. It was a part of himself that he had cut off so long ago it felt foreign.

“I’mfine,” she insisted. “They looked the same way you did. It’s just... It was stuff that happened. There’s no use getting all traumatized about it.”

“But it’s fucking traumatizing,” he said. “Nobody should’ve done that to you. Your father should have protected you. Your brother should have protected you. That’s what siblings do. My family is dysfunctional, but the siblings all have each other’s back.”

“Mine didn’t,” she said. “I just... I get it. And I appreciate you being angry for me. The same as I appreciated them being angry for me. But I can’t afford to be all upset about the terrible things that have happened. Because... because I have to live. I have to live.”

“Bix, I... It’s wrong. What he did to you was wrong.”

It was more than that. It made his chest hurt. Made his whole body hurt.

But Bix wasn’t... It was like she didn’t really know. The way they ought to have treated her. What she deserved.

“When you go out into the world, Bix, don’t you ever take shit like that from anybody. I can understand not wanting to sit down and be upset about things that happened that you don’t have control over, but I need you to be mad enough that you will never accept any of that, ever again. Ever. Do you get it?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “It’s just... I’ve never been able to afford to be picky about how I was being treated.”

“Oh hell, Bix,” he said. “I just hate it. I really do. I hate that you were treated that way.”

“I hate that you were treated the way you were. So it’s mutual, I guess. I promise, I’m not going to accept anything... anything bad. Because you’ve taken such good care of me, I’ll expect it from now on.”

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