Page 20 of Ruined Vows

“And what are archetypes?” I ask the class.

“Universal symbols that live in the collective unconscious of a society,” says Phillip, also speaking up without raising his hand. But this is the familiar rhythm of how class goes between these three. They all start to answer as if one-upping one another, the most talkative even though the class is composed of mostly women. I can’t tell if it’s about a triangulating rivalry amongst them or if it has to do with jealousy in impressing me. “Images or stories from myths that have resonance for the collective and the individual.”

“Excellent summary, Phillip,” I say and feel Isaak bristle again from my left.

It takes all my effort to ignore him and focus on the lesson at hand. “Today, we’ll be interrogating these ideas further as we look at the persona and shadow to tease out the interplay between our conscious and unconscious selves. To put it simply, our persona is the self we put on to interact with the outside world.

“My persona, for example, is who I present to you from this podium, smiling and friendly, welcoming you. It’s a social mask.” I lean a little over the podium, smiling sideways. “Do you think this is who I really am?”

A mixture of yesses and nos come from the crowd. I—and I’m sure Isaak—note that Phillip is especially loud in calling outno.

“Those of you who’ve said no are correct, at least according to Jung. Because the other side of the careful social mask I’ve crafted to present to the world as the self I’d like you to see is my shadow. Who can tell me from the reading what the shadow is?”

When several students start talking at once, I remind them, “Hands.”

Phillip’s hand shoots up, as well as several others. I look over at Zachary, who’s scribbling in a notebook, no laptop today. He’s usually one of the first to have a hand up like the others. His hair is rumpled and matted on one side like maybe he hasn’t showered in a couple days.

“Zach? What do you think?”

He glares up at me. “The shadow is the darkness. The part everyone hides.”

I feel a little chill shiver down my spine, but then Zach stares back down at his paper and starts scribbling again so hard with his pen that it looks like he’s chewing through the paper with the tip.

“T-that’s right,” I say, swallowing and standing straight as I look at the rest of the class, trying not to show how unnerved I am. “The shadow is what we repress in our subconscious. Jungian therapy is a holistic approach that suggests we can begin to encounter the shadow in safe spaces without being afraid of it. It dwells within all of us, and we don’t have to repress it.”

“Butshouldn’tsome people repress it?” Phillip asks. “Like psychopaths and serial killers?”

Some people laugh.

I give the same spiel I always do when the subject comes up. “Psychopaths are a much smaller percentage of the population than all the police procedurals would have you believe. And even then, violent psychopaths an even smaller percentage.”

“I read that almost thirty percent of us have some psychopathic traits,” Zachary says, finally deciding to engage the class.

Everyone perks up. This is the kind of thing they took this elective to talk about. Abnormal psych is the class unofficially dubbed The Serial Killer class—Dr. Ezra teaches that one. But this class is the prerequisite.

“That’s like saying that a lot of people have some narcissistic traits,” I counter, seeing the crowd ready to derail my entire lesson talking about Manson and Bundy. “Traits don’t equal a diagnosable condition.”

“What would Jung say about psychopathy?” Dae asks from the back of the class.

Internally, I sigh. On any other day, I’d be excited about having an engaged class like this, but right now, I can feel Isaak’s eyes taking all this in.

“I imagine that Jung would want more information about the psychopath in question before classifying him under one of his twelve archetypes. The closest to the psychopath would likely be the ruler or the outlaw. One is concerned with power, the other with freedom.”

“Damn, Teach, you saying our politicians are psychopaths?” This comes from Simona, a non-binary kid with colorful hair in a row near the back.

I roll my eyes as everyone laughs. “You said it, not me.”

I wait a minute for the class to stop laughing and get back under control before I try to reign them back in. “But seriously, the shadow has a lot less to do with psychopathy and more to do with the ways we’ve learned to repress ourselves to fit into society. Some of this is good. For example, as kids, your parents might have put you in time out if you bit other children.”

More laughter.

“It’d be bad if we had a society full of biters, right?”

“I don’t know, Teach,” Simona calls. “I like ’em when they bite!”

“Yeah, yeah.” I wave a hand, smiling. “We all learn to repress what society deems inappropriate. But society isn’t always that great, right? Different societies hold up certain ideals as the standards of beauty that make everybody else feel like shit, right?”

Snickers flitter through the class like they always do when I curse. It’s my little secret way of making them feel like I’m one of them so they stay keyed in and paying attention.

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