Page 122 of Over the Edge

She said low “I’m not ashamed to be in love with you, and I don’t care if the guys know it.”

“I’m not ashamed of you!”

“Then what’s bothering you?”

“I’ve had this premonition for years and years that I would die in the field, shot by someone younger, faster, and better than me.”

“And?” she prompted.

Reluctantly, he confessed, “And I thought the mission to rescue Kenny was the one. I thought getting him back was the hill I would die on. When that beam fell across my only way out of building twelve, I was sure that was it. I was prepared to sit down and die.”

“But you were fighting to move that beam when I came back inside for you.”

“I spent about two seconds sitting there waiting to cook to a crisp, and my thoughts turned to you. When my life flashed in front of my eyes, it wasn’t my past that I saw. It was the future I could’ve had with you.”

“What did you see?” she asked quietly.

“I saw you making me laugh. And us making love. And…” he took a deep breath. “Friends. Family. Good times. I thought I didn’t need any of that. Maybe I didn’t think I deserved any of that. I dunno. I’ve only had a couple of sessions with the shrink, and he seems to think there’s a fair bit to unpack from my childhood.”

“Like what?”

“Umm, guilt. How my grandmother measured my worth. Sibling rivalry carried to extremes. I’m not sure what else. The shrink started throwing around Latin words at about that point.”

“What’s the prognosis?” she asked cautiously.

“He seems to think he can fix me up. And he, umm, thinks you’re right about me.”

“Right about what?”

He rolled his eyes at her. “You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

“Who me?” She batted her eyelashes up at him. “I would never.”

He chuckled and threw an arm across her shoulders and continued strolling down the beach. They made the turn to head back to where they’d dumped their shoes before he spoke again.

“Thing is, here I am. Still standing.”

She tilted her head to one side, studying him quizzically. “And you don’t know what to do with yourself, now, because your premonition didn’t come true? Is that the problem?”

“I guess so. It sounds stupid when you say it aloud.”

She laughed gaily. “Well, that’s because it is stupid.”

He frowned at her, which only made her laugh harder.

Finally, she collected herself enough to say, “You’ve been given a second chance at life. Take the gift and be grateful.”

“Grateful? My therapist says my family didn’t teach me the first thing about gratitude. Let alone know how to accept a gift.”

“Is he right?”

“As much as it pains me to admit it, yes.” They trudged up the beach toward their shoes and socks. “But, I’m determined to figure it out. I’m determined to figure it all out. If you can be patient with me for a bit, let me get right in the head, I want to try out this happiness thing with you.”

She was silent, absorbing that as they brushed sand off their feet and put on footwear. Eventually, she asked, “What would you do if you had one day left to live? A single day. How would you spend it?”

“Easy. I would spend it with you. In bed. And maybe with a small break in the middle to hang out with the Reapers before I went back to bed with you.”

“Then we should do exactly that. And when you wake up the next morning, you should ask yourself the same question all over again. What will you do with the next day of your life to live it like it’s your last?”

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