Page 8 of Harmonizing with Little Heaven Leigh

But he always said it like “Heavenly,” as if she’d been sent straight from above to grace his sermon with her presence. Eventually just hearing her name with that pronunciation would make her mad.

She hadn’t felt like an angel. She was angry and tired all the time back then. Running away was the best decision she’d ever made. There had been rough patches at first, sure, but it had been worth it.

Living on the street, busking for change and the occasional dollar bill had left her hungry most of the time. But then she’d met Barbara, and the elderly woman had taken her in and changed her life. Because of Barbara’s love and charity she’d developed her skills at baking and become the woman she was now.

Barbara was the mom she’d always needed, and her death had broken Heaven Leigh in a profound way. She hadn’t lost a person; she’d lost safety, love, and home. Finding Rawhide had helped her, not to get over the grief, which would have been impossible, but to accept it. To let herselffeelit.

Littles were nothing but emotions, and exploring her Little side had opened her up in ways she hadn’t expected. She’d wanted to be taken care of. She’d loved the idea of being a kid, since she’d never had the chance before.

Heaven thought it would be fun to play and not worry about anything, and the punishment and D/s aspects had excited her. If she’d received nothing else from Rawhide, that would have been enough, but she’d gotten so much more than that.

Instead of slumping around the house in depression, feeling nothing but empty and numb, she’d learned how vulnerable and expressive she could be in Little mode. She’d cried… a lot, which was a new experience for her. She felt everything so much more vividly in a childlike headspace.

Grief was sharp and stabbing, but joy was equally intense.

She made friends. She had fun. She discovered that being punished could be therapeutic, and that she sometimes needed that kind of therapy.

And then Master Derek had brought Angel into her life, and she felt like she’d found her soulmate. Her Daddy filled every lonely place. He wrapped her up in warmth and love and everything was better when she was with him.

The grief retreated. Not all at once, and not in a steady progression, but there were fewer sad days over time.

She no longer corrected people so quickly when they said her name as HeavenLeeinstead of HeavenLay, and she’d decided that using Heavenly in the shop name was a kind of exposure therapy. It had seemed to work, until they got back.

“I thought… I thought I was better,” she wailed into Angel’s shirt, as he stroked her back. “I’m happy now. I shouldn’t be feeling all of this.”

“That’s not how trauma works,chiquita mía. It doesn’t ride off into the sunset, never to be seen again. Triggers are a thing and sometimes you stumble over them.” His voice was calm and soothing, and even though she already knew those things, it helped to hear them from an outside voice.

It just seemed like she should be over all the childhood trauma. That being with Angel, in the safest place in the world, should have been enough to get rid of the baggage, but that was probably unrealistic. She was healing, slowly, and that would have to be enough.

“Stop being so hard on yourself, little girl. Healing happens at its own pace,” he told her. Angel knew about grief and healing. He had been through it himself, so she listened.

“Yes, Daddy. I’ll try.”

“Thank you. You’ve just taken a lot of steps at once, and you’re dealing with so many changes. It’s natural to have a few bad days, right?”

She nodded without looking up.

He was quiet for a few minutes, holding and rocking her, before he said, “I think a spanking is in order.”

Her head jerked up and her mouth opened in immediate protest. “But I didn’t do anything! I didn’t break the sign.” She would have if he hadn’t arrived in time, but that was beside the point.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, but spanking isn’t always about punishment, Heaven Leigh. You’ve got a lot of emotions spinning around in there and I think a spanking will help.”

Wanting to argue was instinctive and she couldn’t stop herself from saying, “I don’t need a spanking, Daddy.” But even as the words came out, she realized they weren’t true. At least, not totally true.

One eyebrow went up as he looked at her. “Are you sure about that? It’s not punishment. You’re not in trouble. Consider it… therapy.”

Some of the tenseness eased. She didn’t like being punished for real things very much. Being punished meant she was in trouble and being in trouble meant she had disappointed someone. She never liked disappointing anyone, but it was especially hard when it was Angel.

But a therapy spanking was different. Better, though she couldn’t entirely say why. Sometimes they hurt just as much physically, and they rarely included the foreplay aspects that made bedroom spankings fun. There were often tears, but still the emotions were different.

“I… guess maybe we could try it.” And then after a brief pause, “And we can stop if I change my mind?” she asked with a hopeful note in her tone.

Her Daddy snorted. “I think we both know that’s not how it’s going to work,chiquita. If youneedto stop you have your safe word, but otherwise, Daddy decides when we stop. Right?”

And that was exactly how she preferred it, but she couldn’t help trying to get around the rules anyway. Heaven Leigh shifted in his lap. Her bottom lip poked out as she deliberately widened her eyes, giving him an innocent look. “Aww, but, Daddy… if it’s not helping, we should stop.”

His mouth quirked up at one side as he gently turned and tugged her down to lie across his lap. “Uh-huh. I don’t disagree about that, Heaven Leigh. I just don’t think you can always tell what’s helping in the middle of getting your backside reddened.”

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