Page 62 of His Cowboy Heart

“Your brother knows you’re gay?”

“He knew it before I did. It was another secret he kept from my parents to keep me safe because my father would have killed me for sure. There was no such thing as an LGBT community in Muddy Fork and if there was, it was a secret, invisible one. Being gay in small-town West Virginia back then was one thing, but admitting it meant you were signing your own death certificate. I didn’t start exploring the idea of being attracted to guys until I got to New York and even then, it was ingrained in me to keep it a secret, so all I did was hookups with strangers or guys who were just as deep in the closet as me. I wasn’t anywhere near as strong as you.”

I laughed at that. “Turns out that if you have enough money, you can pretty much be anything you want, as long as you keep the money faucet running. I was out but it was hard to say I was proud. Early on, I used the fact that I was gay to try and get a rise out of at least one of my parents. I ended up in the society pages more than once, usually in a crazy getup that I didn’t even really like. My mother actually bragged about it to her friends. She made it sound like having a gay son was chic and that she’d been the one to support my ‘desire’ to be gay.” I laughed again. “Mydesireto be gay. I didn’t desire to be gay. I just was. I desired attention. I desired validation. I desired to have people around me.”

“What did your dad say?” Flynn asked.

“Nothing. He’d already deemed me worthless by then. Miles had replaced me as my father’s protégé. Uncle Ray, though, he supported me unconditionally. Even when he had to deal with the fallout from my behavior, he never used the gay card against me. To him, I was still me. He didn’t care what I wore or who I fucked. He cared about me. He wanted me to be happy. He wanted me to know that I was loved. I guess I got lucky with fate twice too. I got my Uncle Ray and then I found you.”

Flynn kissed my neck. I tipped my head to give him better access.

“So after you decided to be a cowboy, found your new best friend, made the unfortunate mistake of not naming him yourself, and used everything Frank had taught you to build a rapport with BJ, what did you do?”

“I grabbed my toothbrush, a sleeping bag, and a few other small necessities, and then I got in that saddle, said goodbye to my family, and left.”

I jerked around, hitting Flynn in the cheek with my chin in the process. “So wait, you’ve spent the last couple of years just what—riding BJ around?”

“I wouldn’t say I rode him around. I rode him everywhere. We explored national parks, mountains, deserts, lakes, small towns. Big ones too. Steered clear of the major cities, though. I saw all the things I’d been so afraid I would never see when I was certain my heart would give out at any moment. I met people from all walks of life, I spent nights lying in this very sleeping bag just staring at a clear black sky dotted with the brightest stars I’d ever seen. I’ve seen animals in their natural habitat that most people either never see or only see in zoos. I got good at learning how to track the animals without disturbing them. The last two years have been one big road trip, only I did it on horseback instead of in a car or RV.”

“Wow,” was all I managed to say. I hadn’t given much thought to the fact that Flynn didn’t have a car or a lot of material possessions. “Sounds amazing,” I said truthfully even as my brain was digesting the fact that Flynn had once said that his job at Black Hills Ranch was temporary.

Which meant he had a life he intended to get back to. Despite having spent so much time together since we’d admitted our love for one another, we hadn’t talked about the future.

Did we even have one? A lot of people said a lot of stuff in the heat of the moment. We’d talked about how we’d always be together, but we’d never discussed the realities of how that would happen.

My gut sank as I realized that despite everything, Flynn and I were still from two completely different worlds. He couldn’t be in any urban areas, and I couldn’t imagine spending most days on horseback and sleeping outdoors. I’d never been camping. I’d heard of glamping, but I’d never done that either. There’d been no reason to.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Flynn asked as he stroked my cheek with the back of his finger. The small callouses felt good against my skin but they were also a reminder of all the things that stood between us and the ability to build a future together.

Tears stung the backs of my eyes. I couldn’t lose Flynn, but I couldn’t be the reason he gave up his dream either.

Fuck, how had I let this happen?

“Nothing,” I responded as evenly as I could. “Just tired. And a little cold.”

“Shit, I didn’t even think of that, Jules. I’m sorry.” Flynn eased his body out from behind mine and quickly started gathering my clothing. Once he was in front of me, he helped me to my feet. “Looks like you could use a hand,” he drawled.

I wanted to cry but instead I put on my best mask and laughed. “We both know what will happen if you put even a finger on me.” I snatched my pants from Flynn’s hand and added, “Besides, my ass is so raw, the only things I might let you put anywhere near it are ice packs and a whole lot of lotion.”

Flynn snickered but kept his hands off me as I quickly got dressed. It wasn’t until I’d dropped the sleeping bag altogether that he pulled me into his arms and kissed me gently. “What would you say if we gave your ass a rest and put mine to work?”

The seductive tone of his voice had me shivering all over, but in a good way. His suggestion had all my blood running south. I’d never actually fucked a guy. I’d never really considered it. I was a twink. I was the guy that butch guys wanted to stick their dicks into so they could either pretend they were fucking a woman or feel more macho by being the big guy in control of the little guy.

“I… um… yeah, um… yeah,” I blabbered.

Flynn kissed me on the nose. “We can talk about it on the ride home,” he offered with an evil smile. The bastard knew what kind of physical state his words had put me in and now he wanted me to get on a horse while I was sporting a massive hard-on.

Not.

Gonna.

Happen.

I grabbed Flynn by the back of his neck and pulled him down for a deep, needy kiss. It wasn’t long before he was kissing me back. I dropped my hand to his pants and sure enough, he was in no shape to ride a horse either.

“I think we need to go for a different kind of ride before we get on your horse,” I suggested. I began tearing at my clothes.

“I thought your ass?—”

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