Page 46 of His Cowboy Heart

Flynn kissed me again. A searing kiss that was still tender but demanding. I could practically feel his relief.

Which was exactly whyIhad to break the kiss. When I turned my head so Flynn couldn’t easily kiss me again, his hold on me eased. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest when he dropped his hand from my cheek and took a step back.

The damn tears started up again. I forced myself to look at him. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore, Flynn,” I admitted. “But that’s all I seem to be doing. I don’t know how to do this.”

“Do what?”

“This,” I whispered. “Stay,” I managed to get out before another harsh sob hit me. “I came here because… because I didn’t want to leave without seeing you one more time. My flight leaves tomorrow morning.”

“You’re running away,” Flynn murmured.

“It’s all I know how to do. I came to this place to try and get my head on straight for once in my life. I thought if I could be there for Brooks, then maybe…” I stopped and shook my head because I didn’t know what the next words were supposed to be.

“You needed him just as much as he needed you,” Flynn responded. “You needed to find home.”

I let out an ugly laugh. “I live in one of the most expensive apartments in New York, I have seven cars, none of which I ever drive because I don’t have anywhere to go. I own a company that employs hundreds of people, thousands of people live in buildings I own, I have enough money to last ten lifetimes.” I was talking so fast that I had to pause long enough to pull in a deep breath. “I can go to any club, gay, straight, it doesn’t matter. One round of drinks for everyone in the place and I have an endless supply of people who all want to be my friend. I can wear whatever I want. I can be whoever I want. Makeup, designer clothes straight off fashion show runways, expensive gifts to go around. Everyone wants to party at my place because why wouldn’t they? Free drinks, plenty of coke to snort and pills to swallow, and anonymous sex with guys, girls, both.” I sighed and shook my head. “Cliché poor little rich kid who never had to lift a finger to earn any of what he’s got, and he still feels sorry for himself.”

“None of it’s real,” Flynn offered.

I shook my head. “All of it was me trying to escape… me.”

Flynn backed up until he was sitting on the end of his bed. He dropped his head into his hands and then scrubbed at his face before running his fingers through his hair. “Jules, I know I’ve treated you like shit and I haven’t exactly been honest about some of my behavior, but you don’t need to be the one to leave. If Brooks has given you even a taste of what having a real home is like, then fight to hang on to it. I can be gone tomorrow. Curtis will understand. This job was always meant to be temporary. Please, Jules, I can’t be the one who forces you to go back to a place you never really belonged in.”

Every word Flynn spoke was enough to gut me, but to watch him crumble under the weight of such unbearable pain and guilt would be another one of those moments that would stay with me forever.

My entire body was shaking as I took a step forward. Then another. The closer I got to Flynn, the easier those steps became and by the time I reached him, that little seed of ridiculous hope was sprouting and spreading throughout my entire body. I eased Flynn’s hands from his head. His knuckles were white, proving he’d been gripping his hair so hard that it’d left the joints in his fingers nearly bloodless. I ran my own fingers through his hair, applying only the slightest amount of pressure in the hope that it would get rid of any sting that might have lingered along his scalp.

Flynn sighed and leaned into my touch. His arms went around my waist and his forehead dropped to my chest so I could continue to pet him.

“So you’ll stay,” Flynn softly asked. “You’ll stay here with Brooks and everyone else and see if you can make a life for yourself here? A place to call home?”

I dropped my head so I could kiss his temple. “No,” I responded. As expected, the word had Flynn jerking his head up so he could look at me. Disbelief was etched into the lines of his face.

“Jules—” Flynn began. He was slowly shaking his head.

I captured his face with my hands to stop the movement but only so I could kiss him.

Flynn hesitated for a few seconds before he started kissing me back. When I broke the kiss, I kept my hands where they were but moved my lower body until I was straddling his lap. His arms tightened around me, and I stroked his face with both of my hands. “Home isn’t with Brooks, Flynn. That stopped being an option when I met this incredible man in a dirty alley where three guys were beating the shit out of me. This kind, strong, sweet, beautiful man who didn’t care that the person standing before him wasn’t who he thought.” I smiled and added, “You see, this man, he looked at me in a way no one ever had before. No one else ever bothered to look beyond the clothes and the makeup and the attitude. That man ruined any chance I had at finding a home here.”

As my words began to sink in, Flynn’s expression softened. He turned his head long enough to press a kiss against my palm. “I found my home, Flynn. In you. I knew I would screw it up, though. I knew that I wasn’t going to be that same thing for you?—”

Flynn kissed me hard. “You are, Jules. God,” he breathed as he pressed our foreheads together. “I thought I lost you.” His mouth captured mine again and with every touch, every caress, my fears fell away one by one until it was just me and Flynn.

The real me.

It didn’t take long before our bodies’ natural instincts took over. I could feel Flynn’s erection every time I shifted my hips a certain way. As badly as I wanted to roll my hips so that our cocks rubbed against one another, I knew when Flynn tensed up that I couldn’t push him any further.

“Jules, I need to tell you something. I need to explain,” Flynn managed to get out between harsh breaths. “Those times you tried to touch me and I… I turned away, I didn’t know what else…”

Flynn was getting himself so worked up that he seemed unable to catch his breath. I tipped his head up so he was forced to look at me. “Shhh, breathe for me, Flynn. Slow, deep breaths.”

“No,” he said with a violent shake of his head. “I have to explain because I want to fix it…”

I had both my hands on either side of Flynn’s neck so that my thumbs could stroke over his jawline. His anxiety was scaring the shit out of me, but I needed to remain calm. That was when I felt it.

Beneath my hands on both sides of his neck, there was a thumping sensation. Understanding, clarity, and absolute terror hit me all at once. What I was feeling was Flynn’s carotid arteries. I added a little pressure to each of them and was immediately met with one pump after another of each vessel. There was almost no break between the pulses.

His heart was racing so hard in his chest that the pressure in his blood was building as his arteries tried to keep up with supplying oxygen to all of his organs.

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