Page 93 of Catching Feelings

The exact opposite of me.

Our differences outweigh our similarities, and while I thought that worked in our favor—the good old opposites attract trope—that doesn’t make for a healthy relationship in the real world.

If I were open about my thoughts, we’d be the perfect match. But we’re not. I’m closed off and have no idea how to disclose all the thoughts jumbling around in my head. They’re private for a reason.

The one time I voiced them, they were to a stranger who happened to not be a stranger.

“You’re quiet. Not that I blame you. I’m the one who has the groveling to do.” Miles stops and his fingers loosely grip my upper arm. “Rowan. I miss you. I miss our friendship. Our conversations. Our banter. Our playfulness. I get that I fucked things up, but please don’t shut me out completely. I hate that I took so much from you. Can we at least go back to how we used to be?”

I take the risk and lift my chin. His beautiful eyes are more coffee than caramel this morning. Gone is the lightness, the mischief. Instead, they’re laden with sadness.

“You hurt me. You...deceived me,” I whisper, proud I said the words but also regretting them. While they’re the truth, I don’t mean to cause him any more pain that he’s caused himself.

“I know, Wildflower.” He scrunches his eyes closed at the endearment. It’s the first time he’s called me that. Not sinceAdamdid in his messages. “Sorry.”

“Would we have ended up together if...”If I didn’t tell you I wanted dirty sex. If we didn’t get each other off online?I don’t need to say the words. He knows what I’m talking about.

“Rowan.” He squeezes my arm then brushes his knuckles along my jawline. “I’m not defending my behavior in any way, but I never used the information you shared with me—with Adam—as a way to get you to be with me.”

I close my eyes and turn my head away.

“Rowan. Look at me.”

Miles is never demanding, which is why I listen. I turn back and stare into his eyes.

“Think back to every time we made love. If you don’t remember, I can remind you. That's all I think about.”

“I—”Same. It’s all I think about. And the betrayal. The two get tangled up in my head. My body stiffens as I try to push the thoughts away.

“Not once have we acted out any of your desires. Your fantasies. When we touched, how we touched, it was how you vocalized it. It was Rowan and Miles, not Elizabeth and Adam. I never took any of that information and worked it into our relationship. At first, I wanted you to tell me all the things you wanted me to do to your body, but then it didn’t matter. I didn’t even think about our online personas. I didn’t care about them when I was with you. I just wanted you, Rowan. Whatever and however much you could offer me.”

He releases my arm and steps away. I immediately feel the chill in the air.

“I’m making you uncomfortable and that’s the last thing I want. I’ll stay true to my word and not push any more. I’m gonna do my best to treat you like I used to before I—” He clears his throat. “Friends. As much as it’s going to fucking kill me, it’s worth it to keep you in my life. Don’t shut out our friends because you can’t stand to be in the same space as me. If it’s a matter of not attending a party or gathering if I’m there, I’ll leave. I fucked this up and you shouldn’t be the one to suffer. I still want you. I’ll always want you, which is why I’m going to back off. Maybe one day we can start over. I’m going to hold on to that sliver of hope, but if not, I just want you to be happy, Row. I just want you to be happy.”

He wipes his thumb under my eye, and when it comes away damp, I realize I’ve been crying.

“Maybe I’ll see you in the stands tomorrow? At least until halftime. Night games suck, I know.”

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nod and watch him walk away.

For now or forever.

I have no idea.

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