Page 77 of Catching Feelings

“That’s no fun. How is Natalie feeling? Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes. That’s why I’m calling.”

Of course that’s why. She never calls to check in on me. To ask how my job is going. If I want to meet her for lunch or even coffee. I see on Nat’s social media accounts cute pictures of her and mom doing all those mother-daughter things.

I’m happy for them that they’re close. Would I like to be close with my mom? Yeah. But I feel like that ship has sailed. I’ll never be a priority in her life and it hurts too much to keep trying to be. So instead, I show my love and family obligation by being there to support however they need, knowing I’ll never receive the love in return.

It’s a sad reality I’ve learned to accept instead of fight. Pick and choose your battles and all.

“Her surgery is scheduled for the end of next week. I won’t inconvenience you by asking you to go.”

Well, that’s a surprise. My family normally has no problem inconveniencing me.

“But she’ll need to stay with you for her recovery.”

And there it is.

“Mom. You’ve seen my apartment. I only have one bedroom.” It’s more like a studio, but there’s a wall between the living space and bedroom. I’ve lived here for two years and she’s been by twice. The first when I invited her to lunch the day after I moved in. She said it was quaint and left as soon as we finished our sandwiches. The second was when she dropped off a box of my yearbooks and high school notebooks.

We grew up lower middle class and Natalie and I shared a small bedroom, and Cameron had a tiny loft space above our room. It’s been converted into a nice living space for Cameron now. He sleeps in the loft and uses the bedroom as his gaming area. My stuff took up too much room in the basement. Well, to be fair, it didn’t take up much room at all, but it got in the way of the cases that hold all of Natalie’s medals, ribbons, and trophies.

“You can sleep on the couch for a few nights. Think of your sister and the pain she’s going to be in.”

“Can’t she stay in Cameron’s room?”

“Your sister can’t go up those loft stairs.” I don’t mention the stairs to my apartment. She’s aware.

“You can sacrifice a few nights of sleep on the couch to care for your sister. You have a medical degree, and you know I can’t stand the sight of blood. You’re a caretaker. She’ll be in good hands with you.”

It’s the closest I’ll ever get to be on the receiving end of a compliment from my mom.

“I won’t be able to take care of her during the day. I work long hours.”

“You can take a few days off. I have to go.”

No, I can’t. I haven’t been on staff long enough to earn much PTO. The silence on the other end of the phone tells me she hung up on me. Not the first and not the last time, I’m sure.

Miles and Dec fill the television screen as they leap in the air and body slam each other. Looks like they scored a touchdown and I missed it.

That about sums up my relationship with my family. They suck the life right out of me, and my wants and needs get overlooked. No, not overlooked. No one even cares.

The camera follows Miles to the bench, and when he tips his helmet back and laughs with his teammates, my heart fills with joy. I don’t need my family to make me feel special. I have Miles.

He’s worth risking my heart. Even if this thing between us doesn’t last long, when I’m with him I feel special. My family doesn’t appreciate me, but he does. My friends do too, but now they have their own families to love and care for.

I curl up on my couch and squeeze my knees to my chest as I watch the rest of the game. That night, my dreams are colorful. Wild. Fun.

And the starring attraction is Miles Buckingham.

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