Page 118 of Catching Feelings

“I guess I got used to it. It was all I knew, and until I met you guys, I never thought about it.”

“Okay, so you caught us up to this fall, then what happened?” Riley squeezes my hand.

“Self-doubt. Self-pity. Insecurity. I used Miles’s lies as an excuse to push him away.”

“But he keeps coming back. Why not give him another chance?”

“It wouldn’t have been fair to him to be in a relationship when I had my own issues to work out. So I started seeing a therapist. She’s really helped me these past few months. I haven’t confronted my family because I know they’re too set in their ways to change their behavior, so I focused on myself instead. I’m not taking any more abuse from them and will distance myself from them but not shut them out completely.”

“Good for you,” Kendall praises.

“When I saw Miles last week at the fundraiser, my heart...” I sigh. “I wanted to wait until I’m more confident in myself, but I miss him so much. I asked him to dinner, and we went out tonight.”

“The fuck did that man do to destroy you? Row, I’ve never seen you so broken, so weak as I did when I walked through that door tonight.”

“I don’t know.” I hiccup the tears in my throat. “Dinner was perfect. It was like we were never apart. We talked and laughed and flirted. I could tell he was still interested in me. He makes me feel beautiful and whole and worthy.”

“You are beautiful and whole and worthy.”

“Thank you.” I bat my teary eyes at Riley. “I don’t know why it was so hard for me to tell him I started seeing a therapist. I mean, Raye has helped me understand why, I guess. Talking is so easy for some, like Miles, and so hard for others. It’s partly how we’re programmed, and partly from how we are brought up. Or from past traumas. It wasn’t until we were done eating that I worked up the courage to tell him I was seeing someone. He shut down immediately, tossed some money on the table, and said it wasn’t going to work between us. Then he left.”

“What? That doesn’t make any sense.” Kendall shifts to her knees and turns to face me. We’re missing some key details.”

I shake my head. “That’s exactly what happened.”

“How did you bring it up?” Riley asks.

“I told him I was seeing someone. That’s when he shut down. I believe his exact words were, ‘This isn’t going to work, Rowan. I don’t have the capacity to be near you and not...’He then wished me a happy life and left.”

“Wait.” Riley moves so she’s in front of me and grabs my knees. “You told him you were seeing someone. Did you tell him it was a therapist?”

I think back to our conversation. “Yeah. I mentioned Raye.”

“Ray as in Raymond, or as in Raye, a female therapist?” Kendall asks.

“I, uh, I don’t remember if I said therapist.”

“Honey.” Riley brushes hair out of my face. “I think Miles interpreted that as you’re seeing a man named Ray. Miles doesn’t have the capacity to be yourfriendwhen he wants so much more.”

My heart lodges in my throat. “You think so?”

“It’s a miscommunication between you two. You need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel.” Riley hugs me.

“What if he doesn’t feel the same?”

“What if he does?” Kendall’s mischievous grin tells me she’s up to no good. “You need to go big, girlfriend. When things get tough, bring out the big guns.”

“I’m afraid to ask what you mean by that.”

And then she lays out her plan of attack.

Typical Kendall.

But I’m going to do it.

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