Page 116 of Catching Feelings

The door slams behind me and I crumple to the floor in tears. I didn’t think I’d make it back to my apartment in one piece after watching Miles walk away.

For a heartbeat, I sat frozen, staring at the empty space where he had just been—his warmth, his presence, gone in an instant. The silence that followed felt suffocating, oppressive, and I couldn’t catch my breath. My mind, spinning, tried to latch on to something—anything—that could explain the way he’d walked out, his face a mask of resolve, his eyes flickering with something I couldn’t quite name.

But the look hadn’t been anger. It hadn’t been frustration. It had been...something worse. Something quieter. Something I’ve never seen on him before.

Why?

The word echoes in my mind like a mantra, sharp and jagged. Why did he leave? We were having a good time. He smiled at me like he used to, flirted until my panties were wet, and we laughed. Laughed so much. So why did he abruptly get up and leave?

The question swirls in a storm of confusion and dread, my heart racing with the sudden fear that I wasn’t enough. That maybe I never will be.

My pulse thunders in my ears as I stumble to stand, leaning on the door for support. My hands tremble. Ineedto see him. Need to know—need himto explain. Tocome back.

But as I reach for the handle, the weight of the empty space between us grows unbearable, and I stop. My fingers linger on the cold metal, pressing into it as though I can reach him somehow, even through the miles that now stretch between us.

Don’t go after him,a small voice warns, trembling with self-doubt.He doesn’t want you. You’re not good enough.

But I can’t ignore the ache in my chest, the tightness in my throat that makes every breath feel shallow and ragged. The realization crashes over me like a wave: He’s gone. He chose to leave me without even a word, without a reason. And I’m left standing here, empty and helpless, unsure of what to do with all the hurt flooding through me.

Tears sting my eyes and I wipe them away with a harsh swipe, trying to hold on to some shred of dignity. I want to scream, to beg him to give me a chance. To tell him all the progress I’ve made. To tell him I think I’m in love with him. But the words feel like they would shatter if I tried to speak them. And I don’t know if they’d be enough anyway.

What if he doesn’t want you anymore?

The thought sends a sharp, cold tremor through me.What if he never really did?

My pulse is still erratic, my breathing uneven, but I can’t just stand here. I can’t just let him walk out of my life without even a fight.

But I’m so drained. Defeated. Raye encouraged me to open myself to my friends, so I click on our group text, and for the first time, reach out in need.

ME:I have a 911. Can we get together tomorrow after work?

KENDALL:OMG, Row. We can meet now. Are you okay?

RILEY:Emmitt just went to bed. I’m on my way. Are you home?

My eyes should be dried up by now with all the tears I’ve shed, but more spill down my cheeks.

ME:You don’t have to drop everything now. It’s late. We can meet tomorrow.

KENDALL:Bullshit. You never call a 911. I’m on my way.

ME:Thank you. I love you both.

I go to my room and change into sweatpants and Miles’s sweatshirt. My body is too worn to move, so I curl up on my bed and cry into my pillow while I wait for the girls to show up.

There’s a knock on my door, followed by Kendall’s voice.

“Row?”

My throat is raw from choking back tears, but it only takes a second for Kendall to find me in bed.

“Oh, sweetie.” She climbs in next to me and wraps her arms around my body.

We lay there without talking until Riley shows up. I muster up the energy to move over so I’m in the middle, and they curl into my sides.

They don’t pressure me to talk, and they soothe me with gentle brushes to my hair and offerings of tissues, which now litter the bed and floor.

I have no idea how much time has gone by when Riley finally speaks. “I like your new bed.”

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