Page 104 of Catching Feelings

“She wouldn’t stand a chance.” I toss her a wink and close her door when she starts to giggle.

We’re both aware of my blatant lie. Not a woman in the world stands a chance against Rowan. I take the stairs to her floor and wait outside her apartment. When an hour goes by and my phone battery drops to the single digits, I send her a text.

ME:Hey there. Thought I’d swing by your place to see how you’re doing. You around?

I don’t tell her I’ve been sitting here for two hours—one outside and one inside—at the risk of freaking her the heck out. They must be on some bullshit errand of her sister’s to be out this late.

A few minutes later, my phone vibrates.

ROWAN:Sorry. I’m not home. I’ve been staying at my parents’ place. It’s easier this way.

Easier for who?I want to ask. Unless they’ve moved in the past few months, Rowan’s been commuting from Springfield. How the hell is that easier for anyone? That means she’s been getting back home later, and her sister has had to fend for herself even longer during the day and in the morning.

ME:That’s a long ass commute. You must be exhausted.

ROWAN:My mom is home during the day to keep Natalie company. I’m mostly there for nursing care and to help with PT. All is good. Thanks for checking in with us.

Bullshit. First, I wasn’t checking in withus. I was checking in withher. And second, all is not fucking good. I’m so angry for Rowan right now, and anger isn’t something I’ve felt since I was a kid and testified in court about finding my mom’s dead body and my dad holding the smoking gun.

I read her text over and over again.Thanks for checking in with us. It’s another blow off. I can’t keep doing this. Chasing a dream. Hoping Rowan will eventually forgive me and give me another chance.

It’s crushing my concentration, ruining my game, and making me a depressed piece of shit. I’m not giving up on her, but I need to focus on myself or I’m going to go batshit crazy. More batshit crazy than I already am.

Tucking my phone in my pocket, I push to my feet and hang my head as I leave her apartment, and possibly Rowan, forever.

?CHAPTER THIRTY

ROWAN

It’s been a crazy six weeks of ups and downs. More downs in the beginning, but I feel like my life is only going to go up from now on. Stepping away from Miles was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Harder than confronting my family, which felt freaking invigorating.

I wouldn’t have been able to stand up to them if it wasn’t for Raye Martinez. She’s a life saver. Literally.

Pulling away from my friends was hard too, but it was the only way I could work on myself and not use them as a crutch. Not that I ever did. Maybe if I leaned on them more, I wouldn’t have spiraled into the pit of despair.

But I needed to find my own happiness, and comparing myself to Kendall and Rylie wasn’t good for my mental well-being. I hadn’t even realized I’d been comparing myself until Raye mentioned it.

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