Page 65 of Fumbling for Perfection

She nervously clutches at her shirt with her hands, and I can see the worry in her big doe eyes. This may not be how I envisioned my relationship with Riley, but I won’t make her go through this alone.

I move her hair from her face and brush my hand down the top of her head. She startles at my touch and I give her a soft smile. Riley practically melts, her body relaxing. We turn to the screen and I squint, trying to make out the grainy black and white stuff on the monitor.

“Do you see the baby?” Riley asks.

Rebecca squints at the screens, rotates the wand, taps on the keyboard, but doesn’t make eye contact. “I’m just taking a few pictures for your doctor. She’ll go over everything with you.” She’s professional and aloof.

Riley tenses. “Is everything okay?”

After a few more taps on the keyboard, the technician removes the wand and tears off the pictures coming out of the machine.

“I’ll give you a minute to get dressed and will bring you down to Dr. Nason’s office.” With that, the tech is gone.

With absolutely zero experience with any of this, I have no idea if this is normal procedure or if the tech is lacking personality. Not that I’m one to talk. When I’m working or working out, it’s game face on, friendliness off.

Riley slides off the table and crosses the room to take her jeans off the hook. I turn away while she gets dressed. When she’s ready, we leave the room and are guided to an office. Not an exam room, but an actual office.

“Hi, Riley,” the doctor, who I presume is Dr. Nason, greets her with a handshake. “Have a seat.” She motions to two chairs and I wait for Riley to sit before taking the chair next to her.

“This is Walker.” Riley folds her hands in her lap and doesn’t look at me.

“It’s nice to meet you, Walker. I’m Doctor Nason.” She shakes my hand and moves to sit behind her desk. Then, she returns her attention to Riley. “There’s good news and bad news.”

“Oh.” Riley whines and covers her mouth with her hands. “Is the baby—”

“Riley. There is no fetus.”

My chest squeezes around my lungs and Riley gulps in a loud, shaky breath “No...”

“You aren’t pregnant. Nothing happened to the fetus. You were never pregnant.”

“But...but I took four pregnancy tests. They all came out positive. I haven’t had my period in two months.”

“Stress, change in lifestyle, and hormones can mess with periods. And you’re not regular anyway. Your chances of getting pregnant are still the same as we’ve discussed over the years. There isn’t anything wrong with your one working ovary, and your uterus is in excellent condition.”

“I was never pregnant?” Riley lowers her hands to her stomach and drops her chin to her chest.

I should feel more relieved than I do. I didn’t want to have a baby anyway, but I see the anguish and pain in Riley’s face. When I reach across to take her hand in mine, she pulls away and stands.

“I’m sorry for wasting your time, Dr. Nason.”

“Riley, you’re not a waste of time. These things happen. False positives, false negatives. When and if you suspect you’re pregnant again, call the office right away and we’ll do a blood test.” The doctor rises and reaches for Riley’s hand and covers it with both of hers. “I’m sorry I couldn’t deliver the news you were hoping for. You’re young. And as we’ve talked about in the past, I don’t see any reason why you won’t be able to conceive when the time is right.”

The doctor gives me a sad smile and opens the door for us. I follow Riley down the long corridor and out to the parking lot. When we reach her car, I finally speak.

“I’m sorry, Ri—”

“No you’re not.” She spins around and jabs her finger in the air. “This is what you wanted, isn’t it Walker? For there to be no baby, or for a paternity test to show it was someone else's.”

“This pregnancy took me by surprise. I—”

“No fucking shit.” She laughs mockingly at me.

I’ve never seen her this way. Angry. Mad. Full of rage.

Hurt.

“Don’t pretend to be torn up over this or to even care a little about me. You made it abundantly clear what you think of me. I’m a liar. A slut. I trapped you into this non-existent pregnancy. Well, no worries, Walker Bankes. You’re free to fuck about the country. I won’t be tying you down to an unwanted child.”

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