I flinch, moving back slightly, and his brows furrow in confusion.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” I whisper, bringing my fingers to my swollen lips.
Shane’s features morph into understanding, mixed with sadness, and I hate myself for leading him on.
“I meant it when I said I couldn’t give you anything more,” I murmur. “I shouldn’t have kissed you and?—”
“It’s okay,” he says softly. “I know. We just got caught up in the moment.”
“I need to go,” I tell him, only my words are muffled by the embarrassing sound of my stomach growling.
“Stay and eat. The food should be at our table by now.”
I stare at him, at his pleading eyes, his lips, puffy from our kiss, and I war with myself. I want to stay, but I also want to go because as much as I enjoy Shane’s company, he scares the hell out of me. He has me talking and laughing and feeling things I never thought I’d feel again.
“Don’t run, please,” he adds, as if he can hear my thoughts. “I promise I won’t do that again.”
“You didn’t do anything,” I point out. “I did this. I asked you to dance. I kissed you. I got lost in the moment.”
“Yeah, and it was a damn good moment,” he says with a soft smile that causes those pesky butterflies to reappear, this time in my chest. “But it’s okay if that’s all it was … a moment,” he adds. “Come back to the table with me and eat. We can pretend it never happened.”
I want to tell him that I don’t want to pretend it never happened. If anything, I want to do it again and again. Now that I’ve been reminded of what it’s like to feel, I don’t want to stop. But that can’t happen. Because as I look into Shane’s compassionate, patient eyes, I know he deserves better than anything I’m capable of giving him.
I’m broken. Damaged. I had my chance at a family, but I ruined it, and the last thing Shane needs is to be weighed down by my guilt.
“Okay,” I choke out. “Let’s go eat.”
And pretend it never happened.
TWELVE
Kinsley
“Mom, you’re home!”I rush into my mom’s arms, having missed her like crazy even though it’s only been a few days since she left and we’ve talked every day that she’s been gone. “How was your trip?”
“Busy,” she says. “It’s good to be back home in our quiet little town.” She laughs. “I actually got in last night, but when I came by to see you, you weren’t home.”
She raises a curious brow, and my thoughts go back to last night. The rest of the evening with Shane was spent with delicious food and drinks, conversation, and laughter. I thought it would be awkward, but true to his word, he pretended like the kiss never happened.
I wish I could say the same thing, but the truth is, when I got home, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And those thoughts turned into fantasies, and before I knew it, I was pleasuring myself to the thoughts of Shane doing more than kissing me.
“I went out for a drink and food with a friend,” I say vaguely.
When she smirks, I roll my eyes, remembering my dad was there last night and he tells my mom everything.
“He’s just afriend,” I insist, making it a point to emphasize the wordfriend—for her sake and mine.
“Uh-huh,” she says. “I was thinking we could go get coffee and pedicures. Make it a mother-daughter afternoon. What do you say?”
“I say that sounds perfect. Let me change, and then we can go.”
Since I had a couple of appointments this morning, I’m wearing my Exposed Ink shirt, so I change out of it, leaving my jeans on, and throw on a soft beige sweater since it’s cool out.
When I step out of my room, I find my mom looking through the stack of books from Taylor.
“You’re reading again?” she asks, hopefulness laced in her words.
“Yeah.”