"I'm notlookingat all. But I don't see the value in wasting time with someone when it won't go any further than a roll between the sheets."
"That's not men's usual take on things," I say, and all he does is shrug.
I feel a wave of guilt for thinking about hooking up with him because not once have I looked at him and imagined doing more than what he just said he's not interested in.
I guess there's something to be said about not just blindly jumping into things, but it doesn't exactly make me feel good about myself. I know his expression of how he feels about things isn't a reflection on what I've done in the past, but I can't help but internalize his words and wonder what I've done with my life.
Chapter 18
Rooster
Silence fills the space between us, and I can see her actually working through my words in her head.
I don't know if she's judging me, reevaluating her idea of me, or if she's trying to find a way to tempt me into doing something I just said I'm not interested in.
Hell, she could not be interested at all, and the flirting she did was just second nature, and she meant nothing by it.
"Do you find women attractive?" she asks, and the question doesn't make me lean toward one particular explanation.
"Yes," I tell her. "But I can find a woman attractive and not jump her bones."
She huffs a laugh, and it makes me smile. The brightness her joy brings to her eyes makes her even prettier than when she isn't happy, although she's always gorgeous.
I pull my eyes away enough to give her a little privacy to think, but I can still see her out of my peripheral vision.
She chews the inside of her cheek as if trying to figure out what to say next.
Maybe declaring my stance on casual sex was a little premature, but she hasn't stood up and told me to fuck off.
I'm a little shocked that she doesn't see all the possible things that fit between casual sex and marriage. It doesn't have to be balls to the wall with either extreme.
I also get where she may be coming from, as if there's no point in even trying to see where things might go unless both parties want something serious, but that isn't the case either. I just want to be on the same page with a woman before crossing certain lines. If her goal is just to hook up, then I'm not interested. No hard feelings, but we can be in different places in life that make us incompatible.
"Have you considered anything with me?"
It's my turn to chew the inside of my cheek. I never expected her to flat-out ask. I pegged her as the flirty type who uses suggestion and teasing to find her footing in any situation.
I give her a quick glance but look away almost immediately.
"Is this hot tub getting hotter?" I ask, lifting my arms out of the water.
Her laughter is soft, drawing my eyes back to her face because I want to log every single reaction and commit it to memory.
"You're very pretty," I confess, noting how much my heart rate kicks up with the words.
"Thank you," she says, looking as if she wants to pull her gaze away from mine but can't.
I love the idea that she watches me just because she feels like she has to, as if looking anywhere else isn't an option for her.
"Do I turn you on?"
"The reaction in my shorts would say yes," I mutter under my breath, my cock growing even heavier for acknowledging the damn thing.
I watch, mouth hanging open a little so I can breathe better, as her eyes drop to the water in front of me. Of course, she can't see anything, but my body doesn't distinguish the difference.
"Really?" she whispers, inching a little closer to me.
When her hand floats through the water before landing on my thigh, I almost flex my hips to bring her touch exactly where my body needs it the most.