Page 320 of New York Love Stories: Vol. 1

“Yes, you are. You’ve always been the strongest person I know.”

“I say that about you.”

We smile at each other, and then I say, “See you soon.”

“See you soon.”

Riding in the back of a car heading home, I pull out my phone. I’ll give Harrison full credit for texting and calling right away. I didn’t expect to see twenty missed calls and more than a handful of texts by the time I landed, but I’m not upset by it.

I’m about to text, but I decide I want to hear his voice and for him to hear mine. There’s no misinterpretation that way. That also means I have to wait to get home. No way am I having this conversation in the back of a rideshare.

I hurry to my apartment as soon as I arrive. My heart is racing, and I’m not sure of the words I should use other than I’m sorry. But I roll my suitcase inside and kick the door closed. With the phone in my hand, I drop my bag on the counter and head for the windows. I need light.

It makes no sense, but the sun pouring in makes this feel less heavy. The phone rings, and I stand there with my heart trying to beat out of my chest. “Tatum,” he says as if he’s breathing again.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

An uncomfortable silence invades, and an apology suddenly doesn’t seem like a viable option of getting us back together. A long-winded explanation maybe? “I’m sorry I left.” Okay, well, direct is always good. Let’s just hope he can appreciate that angle.

The silence lingers though I know he’s still there because I can hear his breathing. In the past, he’s mentioned the first one who speaks loses. It’s a sales technique of his. But the quiet between us is painful and stretching, so I say, “Harrison, are you still there?”

“I’m here.”

“I . . . I’m not sure how to make this right.”

“Can I be honest with you, Tatum?”

“Of course. I hope you’re always honest with me.”

“I’m not mad at you. I’m disappointed. I was only gone a few hours. I don’t know why you would leave. Why would you leave at a time like that?”

“If you want my honesty, I thought you had already left me. I know that doesn’t make sense, but I wasn’t thinking rationally. I was thinking through the pain, and all I wanted was for it to go away.”

“Did it go away?

“No, it got worse.”

“I appreciate you apologizing. I know that’s not easy to do, especially when your reason for doing it makes sense to you. But you gave me enough time to think about what was happening, and it’s a lot. I know you’re going through a lot, and maybe this isn’t the right time for us.”

“Wait, no. That’s?—”

“Time is what you need, Tatum. Your life is changing dramatically. I’m not saying I want you out there dating because fuck no, that’s not happening.”

“Then what are you saying, Harrison?”Please don’t say you’ve given up on me too. That I’m not enough for you to want to stay for.

“I want you to want me how I want you.”

It’s a tongue twister, but, “I love you.”

“I love you, too. But I want us together because we want to be together. Not because you’re pregnant. Am I the man you’d choose if you weren’t having my baby? Don’t answer right now. When you know and you’re certain, call me.”

“Harris—” The line goes dead, along with my heart.

I had it all, and I realized too late.

31

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