Page 89 of The Secret Of Us

We haven’t talked about the kiss on New Year’s or done it again. I’ve wanted to so many times though. But then Noah stares down at me, his mouth slightly parted, and I’m worried I’ve done the wrong thing.

“Was that okay?” I ask him, as I try to step out of his grasp.

He doesn’t answer with words. Instead, he pulls me closer, dropping his face to mine as he kisses me again. It feels like the first time all over again, and I wish we could stay here like this forever. But I’m all too aware that he’s about to leave for two weeks.

When we separate, I place my forehead against his chest, my mind racing.

“What are we doing, Noah?” I ask the question that’s been at the forefront of my mind for the past few months.

“I don’t know,” he whispers. He rests his chin on the top of my head, his arms folding around me again. “But it feels right.”

It does. It feels so right, and that’s what scares me.

“He’s not going to war. You’ll see him soon.” Luke ruins the moment by appearing behind me, and Noah lets go of me so I can face him.

I do the only rational thing I can think of and turn around to punch Luke in the arm.

“Leave us alone,” I tell him sternly, and he walks away limping. I didn’t even kick him.

Noah takes my hand, intertwining our fingers together as he fights to hide his beautiful smile. He lifts our joined hands and kisses the back of mine.

“I don’t know what we’re doing, or where we go from here,” he says, dipping his head closer to mine and focusing his gaze on me. “But everything feels right with you, Izzy. I like you a lot. But I’m scared that I can’t be enough for you.”

I barely have time to feel the happiness of his confession about liking me, because his following words shock me. How could he ever think that?

“You’re more than enough, Noah. I like you, too. A lot. And I’m more scared than I’ve ever been about anything. But I think we can figure it out.”

He kisses my cheek, lifts his free hand to cradle the other one, and all I can do is smile at him.

“Alright, boys, it’s time to go,” Mr. Reid shouts.

Noah doesn’t look away from me for even a second.

“We can talk about it when I get back. Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” I tell him, and hope he can’t hear the waver in my voice.

As much as it hurts, I know it’s for the better. We can’t make any big decisions when we won’t be seeing each other for two weeks.

“I’m not sure what the schedule is like yet, but I’ll call you every night, okay?”

“Okay.”

Noah doesn’t say anything else. He kisses me again, just like on New Year's, and I sear the feel of it into my brain to keep me going until I see him again. He squeezes my hand tightly before letting go, and I miss him already.

He walks toward the bus, his luggage already loaded up, and climbs onto it, taking a seat near the window. Noah keeps his eyes on me the whole time, waving at me as the bus starts moving and he leaves.

When I get back to my room, I collapse on my bed, but sleep evades me. Our conversation plays over and over in my head.

Noah likes me, and I like Noah. It should be as simple as that, but we both know it isn’t. I can’t ask him to make any kind of commitment to me when I don’t even know what I’ll be doing in a few months. He’s got everything figured out, and I can’t take any of that away from him by being a distraction.

I toss and turn in my bed until just after midday, before my phone rings. I know it won’t be Noah, but that doesn’t stop the disappointment I feel when I see Violet’s name instead. She tells me they’re half an hour away and to start getting ready. I packed my bag last night after Noah left, thinking that I would be fast asleep all morning until they arrived. But it’s been hours since I said goodbye to Noah, and I haven’t slept a wink. All I can think about is him.

When Isaac and Violet arrive, they must see the dark circles under my eyes because neither of them tries to speak to me, and I’m glad for it. There are a million thoughts in my mind and I need to figure them out before I start talking and spilling my guts to them. There’s no more time to avoid having a conversation about what I’m doing once school ends.

And now, I want to tell them about Noah, too. I want to know what they think I should do because he’s got his future planned out while mine is still hanging in the balance.

I sleep for the entire drive. When we get home, I go straight to my room without a word to either of them. I fall asleep, hoping that I’ll wake up to a text from Noah.

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