Page 80 of The Secret Of Us

When Izzy finally looks up at me, there’s a shine in her eyes. I do my best to try to ignore it, to put it down to happy tears, but I know it’s not that. With how Ryan has been behaving since the start of the year, he obviously never treated her right. He didn’t deserve a second of her time.

A tear finally falls from her eyes, and I’m kneeling in front of her in an instant. I reach my hand up to hold her cheek, brushing the drop away as she leans into my palm, her eyes closed.

“I hate that he knew you before I did,” I tell her quietly.

The truths come out more easily when we aren’t looking at each other.

“I wish we’d met earlier,” she admits. “I really could have used a friend like you before.”

Friend.

The word douses me in cold water. I force myself to remember what this is. Our emotions are heightened because we’re both going through a lot, and we’ve spent so much time together putting on this show.

But it’s only us in this room right now. It’s only ever been us when we talk like this, when we’re this close to each other, when she lets me touch her like she’s something precious.

I don’t want to just be her friend, but it’s clear that’s all I can be for her. She’s going through a lot already, and all I need to do is be there for her in whatever capacity she’ll let me. I slide my hand away from her face, curling it into my palm as I stand up.

“My parents are coming soon,” I tell her.

They’re not. They’re arriving tomorrow morning to take Mina and me home, but I need to leave this room before I break down.

“I’ll text you about the party,” she tells me quietly, but she doesn’t look at me.

I take one last look at her, watch her swipe her hand across her cheek, and then I leave with the lump in my throat suffocating me.

27

IZZY

“I’m not playing hockey anymore.”

I stare at Isaac, waiting for a response, but he keeps chewing his food.

“I’m not playing hockey,” I repeat. Maybe he didn’t hear me the first time.

“Okay?” he says, eating more of his pasta.

Well, this wasn’t what I prepared for. I’d thought he would make more of a fuss, perhaps ask some questions, but he’s just accepting it.

“Aren’t you going to ask why?”

I built up this conversation so much in my mind, and I want to have it. Violet is working late tonight, so it’s just the two of us at home. It felt like the best time to confess to him about not wanting to play hockey anymore, but I guess not.

“Why don’t you want to play hockey anymore?” he says, humouring me.

Isaac keeps eating and I feel an unfair frustration toward him. Why isn’t he fighting me on this? After how much he went through so I could play, why isn’t he more bothered?

“It doesn’t make me happy,” I tell him, needing to get it off my chest. “I only kept playing it because I thought everyone would be disappointed if I didn’t.”

He finally drops his fork back onto the plate and wipes his mouth with a napkin.

“Why would anyone be disappointed?” he asks.

Even though I just used those words, it feels weird to hear the question from him.

“Because it’s something I’m good at, and there’s no reason for me to quit?” I say.

At this point, it sounds like I’m trying to convince myself to be annoyed at my own decision.

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