Page 62 of The Secret Of Us

Something as simple as that shouldn’t have me on the verge of tears, but that’s where I am. All these small kindnesses from him are starting to build up, starting to mean far too much to me, and I’m scared of when they’ll end.

“Yes, please,” I tell him, my voice quiet as the lump in my throat grows.

He nods once before stepping away from me, and going toward the door. He’s just about reached it when he turns around and comes back to me. Noah’s lips ghost across my cheek for a split second before he rushes out the door. The dam inside me finally breaks.

22

NOAH

I run backto my room, trying to forget what I just did. Maybe I stepped out of line by kissing her cheek, but something in her expression made me want to. I wanted to offer some kind of comfort to her. And I wanted a way to say thank you, too, for how she stood up for me again.

I thought I’d been doing a pretty good job at hiding how much everyone else’s opinions were affecting me, but I think the cracks are starting to show. I froze when Ryan spat near me, not expecting him to stoop so low as to do something like that. If Izzy hadn’t spoken up, I don’t know what else he would have done.

Since Luke said he thinks I’m being bullied, I haven’t stopped thinking about it. It doesn’t sound like something that could ever happen to me, especially not at a new school where no one even knows me. But I think it is.

After last year’s incident, I’ve been working harder on trying not to react so emotionally to stuff. But I worry I’ve gone too far, and now I don’t react enough. When Ryan did that, it felt like my brain shut down, like I was outside my body watching it happen to someone else. It scared me. I don’t want to become so detached from my feelings.

I get ready for bed by showering and changing into sleep shorts before I settle down. At the start of practice, Mr. Reid and Luke announced that there’s going to be a trip to France for a football tournament with a couple of other schools from around Europe. It’s during half-term break in February, so it doesn’t interfere with any of my classes or exams.

The only issue is that I already told my grandparents I would visit Korea during that break. My parents won’t say anything if I tell them I want to go to France. At this point, I think they’ll go along with pretty much anything I decide to do if it’s something that’ll make me happy. And even though I’m confident that Halabeoji will want me to choose France over him, I still want to talk to him about it.

I check the time to make sure he’ll actually be awake. The eight-hour time difference combined with his usually early starts means I talk to him most nights. It’s just after six in the morning in Korea so I call him, and it only takes a few seconds before he answers.

“Kkumie, how are you?” he asks, his voice brighter than mine has ever been that early in the day.

“I’m good. I just wanted to talk to you about something,” I tell him.

“One moment, I’ll go inside.”

The low hum of crickets chirping in the background disappears as I hear the sliding door close.

“Okay, what is it? Does it have to do with your new girlfriend?” he teases.

I knew Eomma would tell him at some point, and I’m surprised it’s taken so long for him to mention it.

“I was wondering when you’d find out,” I say, rolling my eyes.

“I kept waiting for you to bring it up, but you never did,” he tuts. “How could my Kkumie not tell me that he’s got a girlfriend?”

Every time he says the word, it feels like a physical knock against my chest. It’s all too easy to pretend my relationship with Izzy is real. It’s harder to lie to myself that my feelings for her are fake.

“I was going to tell you,” I say, resting an arm behind my head to lean on it. “It’s still new.”

“Is she pretty?”

“So pretty. The most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. And she’s smart, too. We study together and she always gets the answer before I do. And she has the kindest heart in the world.”

I close my eyes, drawing her face in my mind—sparkling green eyes, gorgeous pink lips, the girl of my dreams.

“She sounds amazing. I hope I can meet her one day,” he says, and my mind goes to places it shouldn’t.

It goes to taking her to Korea, back to my hometown, to my grandparent’s house. It drops her right in the middle of so many wonderful memories I have there, imagining making future ones with her. It has her sitting on the floor next to Halabeoji, both of them putting in the effort to communicate with each other even with a language barrier. It has her in my arms, looking at the flowers he grows while we sit under the stars.

A loud noise on the other side of the phone pulls me out of that dream.

“Are you okay?” I ask, hoping that nothing bad has happened.

“Just your Halmeoni moving some stuff around. How are your studies going?”

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