Page 154 of Traitor

The clubhouse is far enough from her, but still not far enough. I need to get farther. I can't uproot the club again, not this soon, but I can make sure she never sees me again. At least until I make that move.

I hope — fuck, I hope — she finds the happiness she deserves. But it hurts. It hurts like a goddamn blade twisting in my gut knowing that it won't be with me. That it can't be me.

I used to make her happy. I know I did. She was my whole fucking world, and I saw it in her eyes every time she looked at me — I was hers, too. Until I destroyed it.

Until I killed us in one fell swoop.

I run a hand down my face, exhaling slow.

"We're all fucked up." My voice is gravel in the night air as I take a long pull from the whiskey bottle in my hand.

Joker, Ghost, and Luca are all sitting with me. Drinking. Because we're all fuckups.

"You're more fucked up than us." Luca's voice is slurred, glassy-eyed but full of judgment. "You got a tattoo in your little crusade to win back your woman. That shit is forever. Even if you remove it, the scars will still be there. On your throat, for the world to see your stupidity." He takes another swig, shaking his head. "Stupid tattoo. No woman. Stupid cazzone. So fucking stupid."

I don't even blink. My voice is flat. Emotionless.

"I have no regrets about it."

Silence stretches between us.

We're all staring into the abyss of our own fuckups.

Then Joker lets out a long, suffering sigh. "Layla wants me to get a dick piercing."

The bottle stops halfway to my mouth.

"The fuck?" I turn to look at him, brows furrowed.

He groans, rubbing a hand down his face. "Otherwise, she's not even considering mediation. Straight to divorce."

Luca snorts. "And what kind of dick piercing are we talking about?"

Joker shrugs, looking helpless. "Ampa-something-something." He waves a vague hand. "Didn't have time to research it, she put me on the spot. I'd do anything for a chance to fight for her, so I just... agreed." His voice drops into a whisper. "I'm supposed to be getting it this week."

Luca leans forward, eyes gleaming with unholy amusement. "Ampallang?"

Joker hesitates. "...Yeah?"

Luca grins like a fucking lunatic. "Oh, stronzo. You're so fucked."

Joker's face drains of blood.

"Why?"

"Because that piercing?" Luca slaps a hand on his knee, laughing. "That's one of the most painful fucking piercing in the history of piercings."

Joker looks horrified.

Luca keeps going. "No bike riding for months. Your dick could be out of commission for a year."

Joker is dead pale. "Well, fuck. Thanks for that. Fuck. Fuck." He jumps to his feet and starts pacing.

We all lose it.

Ghost wheezes. Luca is doubled over. I take a deep drink of my whiskey, shaking my head.

"The tattoo doesn't sound so bad now, does it?" I mutter.

---